January 12, 2015

“I feel like I am losing hope”

Hope (1) - 100PedalsHope is never lost.

Hope must never be lost.

Hope merely appears to be lost when your dreams crash headfirst into your reality.

When everything seemingly spirals out of control, it is not a time to lose hope; it is simply a reality check. Victory, crossing the finish line, incredible success – is always possible. Incredible, miraculous outcomes are always possible as long as you believe. But, you can only create miracle by your actions for your life, not in the by expecting someone else to take actions in theirs.

“Losing hope” is that struggle to believe once you are introduced to the reality of life – how you thought things would or should go and how they actually do go are two entirely different roads.

As you examine the situation, it is hard to see how any detour can possibly lead to the outcome you planned or expected; especially, if there are numerous, confusing, painful ones along the way. As long as you are willing to accept there are many paths – many of them unknown by us – to accomplishment, anything is possible.

When you become so attached to an outcome linked to a singular path it is a struggle to imagine that “being off course” can still lead to the desired outcome.

Life rarely goes according to plan. Where you start and how you finish hardly ever goes as envisioned. Life offers adventures, challenges, obstacles, and pain you never plan for, expect, or appreciate at the time. There is a process in every person’s journey that takes them off course. It is in the detours where the true lessons of life are taught. Not going according to plan, being off course, stumbling, struggling, failing, are all part of the process. It does not mean you cannot get there, it only means the trip you planned and the one you actually take are going to be different. Often, that reality is hard to accept.

Parents living with a child on their addiction journey are painful witness to their loved one’s personal life journey. It is hard to watch them go through their experiences, accept their choices, find comfort in the prospect that they will someday recovery from this nightmare. From the day they were born, you had expectations, dreams and a vision for their life and your reality is crushing those dreams.

In their addiction, things never go according to your plan. It is likely that even their recovery is not going according to your plan. You need to remember one important rule, it is not your plan that matters. This is their life. As screwed up, messed up, and lost as it may seem – it is their life, their journey, their experiences to learn from. There is nothing you can do about it!

Are you losing hope? There is no reason to lose hope. All you really need is a change of perspective. You are fighting a reality battle – where your dreams for someone else’s life comes face-to-face with the reality that it is their life and you have no ability to control it or change it. When you were lost in your life (and you were more than once) you found your way. What makes you think they can’t or won’t find theirs? There is no reason to lose hope. Simply stop trying to figure out how to get someone to live your dream for their life!

  • Change your focus, adjust your perspective, and put an end to trying to influence outcomes that are beyond your control.
  • There is opportunity in every day to celebrate, love, and achieve.
  • Live your life, stop living someone else’s.
  • Find clarity and peace in living the life that has been given to you and for you.
  • Focus on and trust your path for your life.
  • Be at peace in empowering others to embrace their journey.
  • Continually offer them your love and your encouragement.
  • Pray they will find what they are looking for.
  • Most importantly, always believe in their ability to emerge from life’s storms in much the same way you have learned to adapt, evolve and succeed in yours.


Parenting and Addiction, Uncategorized , , , , , , , ,
About Dave Cooke

Dave Cooke is a dad on a mission. His mission is to help parents get control of their lives over the powerful, destructive influences of a child's addiction. As the father of a son in a ten year heroin battle, Dave knows all to well the challenges parents and families face. He also knows there is a way to find peace in the chaos. It is his mission to help parents discover their path to a healthier, balanced life even if a child's active addiction is still part of their daily journey.