June 30, 2014

If Love was only enough

Please try to remember that if love was enough, all our children would be saved. Addiction is a powerful monster, so difficult to overcome. My prayer is for each of you to find strength through your journeys and for your sons and daughters to overcome…

Unconditional Love - 100PedalsThis was the hardest lesson – that my love was not enough. As a parent, it is impossible to imagine that our love cannot guide or save our child from their addiction.  Three years ago I came to that painful reality – there was not enough love in the world to save my son.  He was going to do what he was going to do no matter how much I loved him.

That really hurt. It crushed me. It took me several months to get through that frustrating reality. I have so much to offer my son, but the one thing I have more than enough to give him was my love. It was and is not enough.

From that moment on, there are three things I make a commitment to in my life daily:

  1. I can only control what I can control.  My son’s addiction is not one of those things.  How I live and celebrate my life, how I take care of myself physically, spiritually, and emotionally, and how I give love, support, encouragement, and hope to others is within my control.  That is where I focus my energy at the beginning of and all through every one of my days.
  2. I love my son unconditionally.  I will always love my son. He is completely empowered to make his own choices – we all are.  I cannot make those choices for him or even influence them anymore. He is free to choose what he chooses — he does not need to hear my opinion, criticism, admonishment, or judgement.  If he asks for my advice, I offer it.  I he asks for forgiveness, I give it.  If he asks for my guidance, I am there for him.  I cannot rescue, save, or enable him as he lives his life.  Even when or if he wants to change his life, he must choose the path and follow it. I will be the first to cheer him on and coach him if he asks me.  I can always and easily offer him is the gift of my unconditional love – it is a very powerful, reliable influence.
  3. I will never give up hope. Addiction takes over the mind and body in mysteriously powerful ways. It has a grip on a soul in a manner that is painful to watch. It destroys wonderful, talented, beautiful lives. Even though it has a grip on my son, I will never give up hope that he will embrace and maintain a path to recovery some day.  Powerful, amazing, and unpredictable  events occur in this world every single day.  My son’s recovery can be one of those monumental events.  I will always believe it is possible.

Love may not be enough to save my son. It is still a powerful weapon. I know my love for him is on his mind, even when he relapses. I will take that.  Love and hope are the gifts we can always deliver and bring into our life daily.  In the meantime, I focus my energies on being physically, emotionally, and spiritually healthy.  These are the strengths I will need to guide others, possibly my son and including myself, through the challenges and adversities in life.

Parenting and Addiction, Uncategorized , , , , , , , , ,
About Dave Cooke

Dave Cooke is a dad on a mission. His mission is to help parents get control of their lives over the powerful, destructive influences of a child's addiction. As the father of a son in a ten year heroin battle, Dave knows all to well the challenges parents and families face. He also knows there is a way to find peace in the chaos. It is his mission to help parents discover their path to a healthier, balanced life even if a child's active addiction is still part of their daily journey.