June 22, 2011

The Art of Deception

Even though you may deceive others, you are only deceiving yourself. The revelation of truth is when your character is defined.

There is an old saying, “You can run, but you can’t hide.”  Eventually, most of our hidden secrets and truths get revealed.  Depending upon the scale of the act and the intensity of the deception, uncovering the truth has its defining moments.  Regardless, we all have to come clean eventually.  It is in the honesty and sincerity of the moment that defines our character and our integrity.

I have always been a believer in unbridled truth.  When confronted with actions or behaviors that would have been construed as bad acts, I would simply acknowledge my role and my accountability for them and move on.  I could not be bothered with the details of fault, blame, cover-up or creative accounting for the act.  I did it, it was wrong and stupid; punish me, move on.

Call this one of my wilder, more transparent posts.  I am venting or, as a friend said yesterday, I am “sublimating.”  I am attempting to transfer my frustration about one thing into a creative expression about something else; and, probably doing it poorly.

My source of frustration is founded in the series of events that landed Brandon in a place, not of his choosing and where he is not free to leave or have visitors.  Despite the best of intentions, efforts, and role playing, Brandon couldn’t keep his life in order and is, in many cases, back to square one.  The level to which he has deceived all of us, including his closest of knowledgeable, aware friends, is amazing and disappointing.  And, to believe that I was convinced that there were many good things going on.  But, like my thought for the day, you can only pretend so long until reality shows up and calls you out.  Then, your true character is called into play.

Anyone busted for their deception, a bad act, or a covert act, has the opportunity to start to move forward from it by at least being honest about their deed.  While I will never make Bernie Madoff a role model for much, his flat out willingness to say, “I swindled everyone,” is at the least a refreshing bit of honesty.  He took his medicine and went off to jail.  Even he had enough character to own up for his misdeeds.

I have no idea what will define the situation for Brandon or his eventual response to it.  I do know that my disappointment for him in his very focused and committed deception is as high as it can be.  I can only hope and pray that he will finally discover humility and grace in his failings and define his future with an honest and focused account of all he has done and all that he needs to do to move forward from here.

Hide nothing from anyone.  Honesty works best when it is applied consistently and openly.  Eventually the truth will come out – it always does.

About Dave Cooke

Dave Cooke is a dad on a mission. His mission is to help parents get control of their lives over the powerful, destructive influences of a child's addiction. As the father of a son in a ten year heroin battle, Dave knows all to well the challenges parents and families face. He also knows there is a way to find peace in the chaos. It is his mission to help parents discover their path to a healthier, balanced life even if a child's active addiction is still part of their daily journey.