May 19, 2015

The Spirit of Fear

A_spirit of fear cat (2)Fear isn’t the norm. It isn’t your friend. And it certainly doesn’t help you make better decisions. The Bible is very clear about fear and what we should focus on instead.

For God hath not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7, KJV)

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, if there be any praise, think on these things.” (Philippians 4:8, KJV)

Too often the parents of addicted children make decisions based on fear: the fear of failure, the fear of making a mistake, the fear of regret. The list goes on and on. But decisions inspired by fear aren’t healthy decisions. As good parents, you know that.

Addiction turns your child’s brain into a train wreck. Suddenly, logic flies out the door. You begin to feel as though you’ve entered a foreign country whenever your child speaks to you in the language of addiction. And in many ways you have.

Addiction knocks the entire family off balance. It changes the playing field. Terra firma completely disappears. Now you’re walking on marbles, terrified you’ll fall at any moment. In the meantime, your addicted child becomes a master at twisting the truth, manipulating you and everyone in the family like puppets in a sideshow.

Rather than reacting to the drama of addiction, choose to be proactive. Go back to who you were before addiction slam-dunked your family. Remember when you trusted your parental instincts? Trust them again. You’ve got good instincts. Use them.

For example, your addicted child comes home high. Instead of second-guessing your instincts, take action. Your child has broken your house rules. Stand firm, remind your child of the consequences, and follow through with the punishment.

Or maybe your child continues to drink or use drugs while living at home. Don’t become codependent and an enabler. Take action. Yes, your child may leave and end up on the street. But that’s your child’s decision. Not yours.

Proactive parenting is often the “shock” your addicted child needs to choose rehab and recovery. Fear just prolongs the agony. Don’t give in to it. Be the good parent you know how to be. In the long run, your family and your addicted child will thank you for standing firm and walking your talk.


Is your child addicted to drugs or alcohol? Are you trapped on the emotional rollercoaster of addiction? Dave Cooke can help. He’s an Addiction Coach and an internationally recognized speaker. Let him show you how to create an action plan that will move you, your family, and your addicted child back on track in a healthier direction. Contact Dave today for private coaching or book him to speak at your church, parent’s group, business organization, or neighborhood association. Go to for more information or email

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About Dave Cooke

Dave Cooke is a dad on a mission. His mission is to help parents get control of their lives over the powerful, destructive influences of a child's addiction. As the father of a son in a ten year heroin battle, Dave knows all to well the challenges parents and families face. He also knows there is a way to find peace in the chaos. It is his mission to help parents discover their path to a healthier, balanced life even if a child's active addiction is still part of their daily journey.