October 18, 2016

When boundaries cause us pain

isolation-100pedals

A question from a mom struggling with her boundaries…

My husband and I drew the line that we wouldn’t talk to him until he has been in a rehab. And proves he is clean and working. He keeps being admitted to hospitals then out to the streets again. My reason for reaching out is this is killing me. Each day is hell. Any advice would be appreciated.”

It is frustrating when our boundaries don’t change anything in the person we set them with. When the desired behavioral changes don’t occur, often struggle to find comfort with our decision and the unanticipated outcomes.

In this podcast response, I reflect on two components to this challenge: First, the motivation and necessity for these boundaries in the first place; Second, encouraging they embrace the opportunities for a healthier life as a result of their decision.

So many times, we take action hoping to inspire a response that causes a change in behaviors, attitudes, or results. However, not everyone will see the guidelines as motivation enough to change. This does not mean we adjust our guidelines, it means that we need to recognize and honor the benefits of these constructs on our life until our loved one reflects appropriately on the impact of these boundaries on their life.

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If you are struggling with the addiction of a loved one or child and need someone to talk with, please contact me. I am here to help you better understand the situation and help find a way to maneuver through the chaos and the pain. You can reach me at: dave@100Pedals.com

Dave Cooke travels around the country giving inspirational and educational talks to business organizations, support groups, churches, schools and treatment facilities. If you like to invite Dave to speak at your organization, please contact Dave Cooke at: dave@100Pedals.com

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About Dave Cooke

Dave Cooke is a dad on a mission. His mission is to help parents get control of their lives over the powerful, destructive influences of a child's addiction. As the father of a son in a ten year heroin battle, Dave knows all to well the challenges parents and families face. He also knows there is a way to find peace in the chaos. It is his mission to help parents discover their path to a healthier, balanced life even if a child's active addiction is still part of their daily journey.