January 18, 2017

When you are looking for answers

This past week I was blessed to have participated in a visioning and planning session regarding 100Pedals. Reflecting back on where we have come and looking ahead to 2017 and beyond, I felt like we were not having the type of impact or making the type of connection I desired.  One of the key insights shared by our board of advisors at the beginning of this session was the 100Pedals message was not clear.

The big question was whether 100Pedals was providing parents with solutions for their addicted child; or, whether 100Pedals was providing parents with insights and support in their personal struggles while dealing with their child’s addiction? Among other things, I was tasked with clearing this up.

100Pedals’ mission is to help parents find peace despite the chaos of a child’s addiction. 100Pedals is committed to helping parents discover the confidence, the wisdom, and the courage to work through the drama of the addiction problem in their family. Our mission is less about giving parents simple, direct answers to complex problems; instead, we help parents discover their own specific answers so they are better equipped to work through these challenging and difficult issues together.

The feedback we received to the above summary was that parents don’t want what we are offering. Most parents are simply looking for immediate answers to their immediate problem. While it was agreed that most parents need the education, the knowledge, and the ability to work through their issues from a place of better understanding, the group agreed that few parents are able or willing to do the work.

Frankly, this disturbed me. It is a contradiction in process. We want, expect, even demand our children do the gritty work to get clean; yet, we are not willing to invest in ourselves to better understand the real, in-depth problem of addiction in our child’s life including our role and responsibilities as parents in their recovery. This is not a case of simply knowing what addiction is while assigning to someone else the task of teaching recovery to our children. We have an inherent responsibility to challenge ourselves to go through our own, similar educational process and explore changing our lives in much the same way we expect our children to transform theirs.

How can we understand what is required of our addicted children; asking them to rewire their brains, to untangle themselves from the habits, thoughts, and behaviors that have become embedded over the years, and go through a monumental transformational process, when we as parents are not capable or willing to do the same work on ourselves?

When it comes to addiction in the family all lives are impacted and effected. There are no sideline participants. Parents you are not afforded the luxury of sitting in the stands and watch the game being played out before you.  You need to get involved and do the work required to better understand yourself as a person, a spouse, and a parent in this sea of change. You need to learn to understand how your habits and behaviors influence and impact others. None of us is responsible for our child’s addiction; however, to declare we didn’t play a part in the underlying issue is pure denial. Our ability to go through this introspective educational process brings a healthy balance of wisdom and awareness while challenging everyone to explore the changes necessary to grow from and move beyond the addiction experience.

It is 100Pedals mission to help parents find peace in the chaos of a child’s addiction. It is a process of personal discovery, transformative change, and a better understanding of the struggle our addicted child goes through. You will find a place of peace, not because someone gave you immediate, simple answers; but, because you learned to apply what you have learned about yourself, your child, and the issue of addiction at such a level that your interactions reflect empathy, wisdom, and love from an empowered personal level. This is the gift you give to yourself, your spouse, your family, and your child as you grow and evolve in face of life’s adversities, such as the addiction of a child. The harsh reality is that your child may never find their recovery; but, this work you have done in the process will bring you into a much healthier life balance even if they don’t. That is what “finding true peace” is all about.

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If you desire to regain control of your life. If you desire to learn how to make better, stronger, healthier, and more rational decisions. If you don’t know where to start or struggle to stay on task. Let me know.  I would be happy to help you create your personal 100Day plan. It will completely transform your life and bring peace to the chaos and drama of addiction.

You can reach me at: dave@100Pedals.com. Let’s get started now.

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About Dave Cooke

Dave Cooke is a dad on a mission. His mission is to help parents get control of their lives over the powerful, destructive influences of a child's addiction. As the father of a son in a ten year heroin battle, Dave knows all to well the challenges parents and families face. He also knows there is a way to find peace in the chaos. It is his mission to help parents discover their path to a healthier, balanced life even if a child's active addiction is still part of their daily journey.