“I just want something to be normal.”
This statement, shared with me on a Facebook exchange, just jumped out at me. It caused me to pause and reflect on my own journey. These words were so true for me several years ago. I often found myself sitting on the front porch, wishing for the day when my son would come around the corner of the house and everything was suddenly okay, back to normal. This was the story I so badly longed for.
As I look back on these thoughts today, I realize my story isn’t broken or lost, it has simply changed. This new story is not only dramatically different, but it is incredibly better.
I am not minimizing or looking beyond the pain in my experiences, as there was and is plenty. Nor am I trying to pretend there weren’t different components of this journey which brought me to new lows, deep levels of heartbreak I never thought possible. And, I am not trying to say the road I am currently on is all rainbows and unicorns. It is not.
What I know, is this journey I am on has made my story better than the fantasy one I fought so hard to protect and save.
There is beauty inside every storm. It is hard to see or embrace at the time. Once we find ourselves in the middle of the storm, all we can think about is getting back to the place where it wasn’t this hard or this painful. We all come to realize, at one time or another, there is no going back. Despite your desires to protect what is or what was, everything has been forever changed. At first, you may grieve the change.
The critical question is, are you looking to embrace the challenge in the change; or, are you fighting to reclaim what was lost? If you are looking to reclaim what appears lost, you have positioned yourself to miss out on the opportunity to grow into the newness the storm is creating. Worse, you may get stuck in the world of what was instead of discovering, what is!
In every experience, good or bad, the opportunity to learn and grow is significant. The good experience lessons are often fun, enjoyable, and easy to celebrate. The difficult ones are scary, painful, terrifying. They are also the ones which come at the greatest cost while providing the best lessons.
As you struggle with difficult, challenging adversity in your life, such as the addiction and substance abuse in your family:
- Trust in your ability to weather the storm. While you have never been through something this difficult before, you have experienced previous struggles and you maneuvered through them. This may be bigger, more difficult; but, the process is no different. You will get through it.
- Look for guidance and direction from those who you can trust with your journey. This was the breakthrough step for me. I worked hard at trying to find my way, on my own. Once I gave it to God, trusted Him with me and this mess, and found others I could honestly share my struggles with, my perspective and responses completely changed. I learned to embrace the journey in a more profound way because I knew I was not alone and I had a great support team working with me.
- Embrace the growth opportunities which present itself. Be willing to work on developing you and embracing the transformational opportunities before you. These struggles provide incredible personal development opportunities, lean into them. This is not to say there is something “wrong” with you; but, the growth lesson only comes when you put yourself in a position to challenge the way you have always done things, examine how you can live and do them differently, understand why, and commit to the change.
- Celebrate progress. In every storm, there is accomplishment and progress. As you take care of yourself, as you grow into the chaos of this experience, as you find a community who loves and cares for you, there are moments to pause and celebrate where you are and how far you have come from where you were. Being fixated only on the objective of surviving the storm is exhausting. Give yourself continuous, little energy boosts by acknowledging every step forward as you move through the storm.
Tough times are never enjoyable. I often long for the lesson without the experience. Yet, I realize this journey wouldn’t be what it was without the path I had to take to get there.
Yes, my story has changed. Yes, it is quite different than the one I had planned to share at the end of my days. It is also a much better story because there are many unplanned adventures in it.
Nobody ever enjoys reading a dull story of a safe or sheltered life. The ones we love are the hero’s journey about navigating and growing in the most challenging of situations. You are in the middle of a difficult adventure which will eventually run its course. In the end, there will be a story to be shared. Make it a great one!
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