Where that inner calm can take us

True peace comes from having the courage to focus on the mission at hand while ignoring the chaos of the storm.

Peace is that inner calm that does not distract you from the task at hand so you can focus on what you have committed to without worry, regret, fear, or doubt. It takes courage to make a focused choice. From that place of inner calm we are able to be strong and willful to follow through.

I have witnessed many people go into highly stressful, chaotic situations. Those moments where the pressure is at its highest point and nerves are frayed and tested. They step up and take command and seem to be completely oblivious to the environment that they are in. Many refer to this state as “staying in the moment.”

When you ask them later how they did it, they confidently and humbly reply I simply focused on what I needed to do. Easier said than done!

This is the difference between bold, confident execution and missing opportunity. Instead of finding peace — that inner focus, calm and confidence — that enables someone to step into an opportunity and shine, many (me included) hesitate, examine the situation, assess our ability to succeed and then take action, most of the time. The minute we hesitate, we have lost our focus in the moment and are now in conflict with ourselves. We are not peaceful anymore and our courage is tested.

When I get up to give a talk, I think nothing of the situation. I know that whether the room is filled with ten people or five hundred, that I have a story, a message and a gift. I have been called on to speak because they trust me, believe in me, and want me to step up. I focus on the talk, the stories, and engage the audience without hesitation. If I took one moment to reflect on the situation, I would be distracted, interrupt my energy, and likely create unnecessary internal tension at that moment when peace is my most powerful ally. The outcome of that distraction likely will have some impact on my talk.

We are thrust into situations or presented opportunities because we are capable of succeeding in them. Having the courage to boldly, unhesitatingly, and confidently seizing the moment without distraction or doubt is what peace is all about. Don’t give in to the chaos of the moment, find peace in your ability to be awesome in the midst of it and boldly move forward.

 

Escape is easier than you believe!

Many times I catch myself letting my mind wander, wishing I could simply escape what is going on around me. You know that feeling when the chaos, confusion or tensions of the day offer much turmoil and little escape. Those moments are akin to the old Calgon TV ads where the exasperated mom cries out, “Calgon take me away!

If it were only that easy. In many respects it actually is.

I call it “re-framing your environment.” Every now and then we have this overpowering desire to escape, run away, find peace, or hide. It happens. There is something invigorating about finding time to breakaway, do something we enjoy, and simply recharge. Unfortunately the demands of family, work, and other commitments make the ideal escape — like running away from home for a week or two — difficult, even unrealistic. There are times where it seems that finding even a moment to escape and do that little something that helps us recharge is nearly impossible. In the face of these perceived limitations, despite the insanity that surrounds and drains us, many surrender and not do anything at all.

This is not good. We all need to make time to connect with our passion and recharge. If we don’t, the sacrifice eventually has an adverse impact to the point where what is being given to others in this moment of sacrifice and obligation to others ends up falling short of what they really need from you and less than what you are able to offer anymore. Eventually, the tank will run dry and then we are of no value to ourselves or anyone else.

Re-framing your environment is finding a way to break free from the chaos and creatively redefining the environment in a manner that gives you a sense of escape to make time for yourself. Re-framing your environment is about blocking time to provide some semblance of the escape needed to physically, emotionally, and spiritually recharge. The key to this exercise is embracing the notion of escape — creating a sense that you have broken away or are separated from the normal or exceptional chaos in your life, even for a little while. Obviously, activities like biking, hiking, running, walking, and meditating are easy activities in this area. For those who cannot simply go outside everyday, the exercise requires a little more thought and creativity.

When I engaged in my one hundred pedals rides — one hundred consecutive days with a bike ride of at least one hour — I had a commitment on my calendar where I was going to be in Michigan the first week of February. In the middle of winter, there was no opportunity to ride my bike outdoors like I was in Arizona. I knew I could ride a stationary bike at the local gym in Detroit. I did it all the time. This time was different. I was celebrating incredible meditative experiences in association with these rides and simply riding a stationary bike was not the key to maintaining this state. Instead of simply riding a bike in the gym, I made arrangements with the manager to move a spin bike into the yoga room. I turned of the lights, turned up the music and rode in the dark. Through this set-up I rode alone, in isolation with only my thoughts, and had effectively created an environment similar to that which I was experiencing riding outdoors in Arizona. I successfully re-framed my environment.

It isn’t always easy to facilitate those moments that enable us to escape and recharge. At the same time, finding the time or creating the environment that works for us, is less about what is possible and more about deciding what is necessary. Sacrifice, commitment to others, and fulfilling the obligations associated with the expectations in our roles cannot be minimized — they are also not an excuse. Everyone needs time to recharge, reload, and re-energize themselves. Want an escape? Create one, re-frame your environment and make it happen!!

How to find what you are looking for

We cannot have, do, receive or create in others what does not exist within us first.

Everything we seek — love, affirmation, leadership, approval — must first be discovered from within before it can be fully integrated into our life. Once that essential component exists internally, is understood and assimilated into one’s being, only then will a person be in a powerful position to truly receive it from and share it with others.

How many times have we heard “Happiness starts from within” or “Home is where the heart is” or “You cannot find love until you love yourself first“? Each of these sayings and many more like them are a reminder what we seek in others we must first find in ourselves. As each of us look to others to help us find, discover, celebrate or enjoy those aspects we desire most in our lives, the stark reality is that no one can give us what we haven’t already given ourselves first. Now what? How can I find, discover or create that which is missing from within? Like everything it is a process.

  • Start by identifying those qualities, aspects, or traits you are looking for in another person.
  • Examine your behaviors, self-talk, and actions and evaluate your personal performance in your own life to those qualities.
  • Identify the gaps and define the actions you are going to begin to take that will improve on your own personal performance.
  • Create a standard by which you will begin to treat yourself and help yourself achieve.
  • Put the action plan to work, make changes along the way, while celebrating and measuring your progress.
  • After a while, you will be living your life in the manner you desire and giving you what you need most.
  • Since you are not looking for “it” anymore, you will not be searching it out.
  • When you stop looking for “it” you will find what you are looking for in others and you will be drawn towards those people that exemplify what you valued most. The difference is, you now know what it really is and how it truly manifests itself in your life.

Each of us is responsible for who we are and where we are going. While components of our journey take on paths where we seek in others what cannot find in ourselves, we will not find what we are looking for in others until we first find it within us. It is only then that we can appreciate this gift in others and allow their gifts to manifest themselves within us.

Innovation first exists in the imagination

The answers to new, complex problems cannot be solved by simply applying previous solutions to them. For there is no imagination, creativity, or innovation in applying an old solution to a unique, difficult, and confusing situation.

It is in our human nature to rely on what we know to help us understand what we don’t. Unfortunately, what we know limits our ability to learn or discover from something that confounds us. As the world evolves, so must we.

Devising an innovative outcome to a complex problem requires that we explore and examine both the problem and the solution from a place that introduces new thoughts, concepts, ideas, and possibilities.

This arena exists outside our comfort zone, our belief system, our safety net, and our core knowledge base. This is an uncomfortable, scary place for many. It challenges all that we know and believe as valid up to this point. Yet, this is where all innovation exists — discovering what can be uncovered in places never before explored, examined or tested.

As you ponder the challenges and opportunities in your life remember the answers to many of the complex and frustrating ones exist in a place of imaginative and creative discovery, not in your mental, experiential library. Innovation begins with imagination first. Be creative, be flexible, be open, be receptive, and be willing to go beyond your known frontier to uncover new and undiscovered horizons. You will find some amazing insights and ideas there — most likely a very innovative idea!

 

Turn off the label maker

In the midst of a conversation last week, the person I was sharing perspectives with changed the course of the conversation by asking me about my political/social ideology. Even though I did proceed to share my perspectives and values, I found the question frustrating and disappointing. This happens far too often in our society!!

I am a person not simply or easily labeled by my ideologies or beliefs. No one is!

Like everyone else, I have a unique set of experiences, perspectives, gifts, talents, beliefs, commitments, hopes, dreams, and aspirations!

It is way too easy to place someone into a bucket or clump them into a predefined group than to actually spend time getting to know, understand, respect, and empathize with their perspectives and life story. It is much simpler to discover how to categorize or define them — Christian, Muslim, Jew, Black, White, Hispanic, Affluent, Poor, Liberal or Conservative — so we can move on if and when their world view doesn’t comply or align with ours.

There is so much to be learned from another person’s perspective, story, reality, and beliefs. Relying on previous stereotypical experiences to dismiss or ignore the experience, insights, and uniqueness of another individual breeds ignorance and arrogance, not love and understanding.

When interacting with another person, take this approach:

  • Discover what you have in common with them. Remember that every one you engage has at least one thing in common with you.
  • Learn from their story. Like you, everyone has a unique story — hear it, learn from it, and appreciate it.
  • Seek to understand before you are understood. Leave your judgments, criticisms, and predispositions out of the conversation. Make a commitment to understand, inquire, and challenge not dismiss, criticize, or stereotype. You can create much from listening, learning, and understanding.
  • Be grateful. Every person that comes into your life is a gift, even those that can easily frustrate you. They are in your life for a reason — share your love, offer your gifts, and receive from them what they have to offer. You will be enriched by the interaction.

The challenges we face in our world today are monumental. There are no clear cut, easy answers. The path to these solutions require human interaction, engagement, and understanding. We each have an opportunity to make a difference. One of the critical steps to this process is to avoid labeling others, judging them, or cutting off the conversation because of what we believe we know about them. Remember, each and every one of us is unique, special, and talented. Discover and share that gift.