The conversations we need to be having

February 24, 2025 by Leave a Comment

“Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — speak only of those things.” Philippians 4:8

I was thinking about the voice in my head this morning. There is a lot of worry, doubt, fear and concern operating up there right now. I have recently made a bold and courageous commitment in my life and the path I am following relating to those moves have some big hurdles up ahead. Instead of focusing on the opportunity and the wonderful promise associated with the long-term outcome of this decision, I woke up focusing on the short-term threats to progress.

I learned from my I-Ching work last summer when I allow adverse emotions — fear, doubt, worry — to invade my mind it blocks my ability to receive and enjoy the gifts and opportunities before me. That is why this verse is particularly poignant. Instead of owning my concerns, I must speak of the opportunity in this commitment and draw upon the positive outcomes from this courageous action. For it is through these affirming and supportive behaviors will I maintain my path, stay focused on the opportunity at hand, and fulfill the destiny of the commitment.

Whatever you are dealing with that is causing you stress, change the conversation. Speak of the things you love, that you enjoy, that you appreciate. Let those conversations be the focus of your mind and your emotion. I firmly believe that this is how we stay on course our lives and avoid the pitfalls that our adverse emotions draw so much attention toward.

Speak boldly of the powerful, positive aspects of your life that you love and you will find your way past all the other junk that distracts and interrupts progress.

 

Filed Under: Inspirational Perspectives, Managing Adversity, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,

An addict’s parent needs a recovery program, too

February 20, 2025 by Leave a Comment

Enjoying the moment and a donut!

One of the most powerful outcomes in my 100Pedals journey was the amazing transformation that has occurred in my life as began to reclaim and take back my life while separating myself from my son’s addiction riddled life. For eighteen months, I went through the process many parents dealing with addiction in the family go through — chasing their child’s addiction down an addiction driven rabbit hole. In our quest to save, love, and help our child it easy get lost ourselves and lose control over our lives in this process.

Although the pain, the heartache and the the disappointment associated with Brandon’s addiction never goes away, I finally succeeded in distancing myself from much of it. And, my life is richer, better, more incredible for it!

It is amazing as a reflect on the road I have traveled when I realize much of the positive transformation that has occurred in my life was triggered in Brandon’s addiction. The transformation that took place was the result of my ability to define a path for my life that was not defined by the world of addiction.

As Libby Cataldi shared in one of her recent blogs, “only we, as parents, can free ourselves from the claws of addiction,” the reason I have committed to connecting with other parents to love, help, encourage and inspire them is I know the only successful path for our lives, as parents, in the face of this monster known as addiction is to reclaim our lives and find strength in who we are and not getting lost in what is.

I am currently in my own recovery from my son’s addiction — not allowing Brandon’s addiction to define the path for my life. It is not always an easy road, there is much pain, and disappointment; but, there is also much joy, love, hope and opportunity in my life for the gifts I have and the potential I have to celebrate these gifts with those who are looking to share them with me.

The journey is not always easy and my personal recovery has not always been smooth. Every day I get a little stronger, a little more inspired, and a little more energized by the prospects for the life I have without get too sad, distracted, or caught up in the life I desire or the life I feel I have lost.

Filed Under: Addiction, Inspirational Perspectives, Lessons In Addiction, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , ,

Why You Need to Find Your “Bicycle”

February 17, 2025 by Leave a Comment

At one point, going for a ride on my bicycle was simply an act of exercise. It was something I did because physiologically my body wouldn’t allow me to run and all my years, and laps, of competitive swimming made the pool a psychological hell.

Riding a bike was my way way of going for a long, physically stimulating journey to burn calories, work my heart, and score aerobic points. I never thought the bike would be the source of so much more.

In my talks about addiction and its divisive, destructive effect on the parents and families of the drug abuser, finding something that introduces energy, peace, and control into you life is an essential ingredient to your recovery. Without that escape, that peace, and that solitude which allows one to think clearly while distancing themselves from the chaos there will be no solutions — only issues, challenges, and problems.

Whether it is the battle for peace in the face of our child’s destructive choices, or another challenging painful, personal issue there is always opportunity for us to find a solution or a way to cope in the positive, productive space we create for ourselves. My bike rides were a vehicle to distancing myself from my son’s addiction riddled life. That hour plus on my bike took me away from the icky, painful, lousy stuff at home to a place of solitude, thought, and personal accomplishment.

Whatever you are dealing with that disrupts your life and threatens to destroy you requires a positive, energizing, and productive escape if you are going to learn to manage its existence or continued presence. Not everything we deal with is under our control or easily solved — if ever. The only thing we do have control over is finding and discovering an outlet that gives us a moment of peace and clarity. It is in those moments that we find our wisdom, find our strength, find our hope, and sometimes discover our answers.

You may not need to ride a bike like I did. But, I am quite certain there is nothing more productively and positively habit forming than discovering your “bicycle” and creating a routine to ride it regularly.

To arrange for Dave Cooke to come to your school, church, or organization, please contact him at: [email protected]

Filed Under: Addiction, Live With Passion, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , ,

Calling All Dads!

February 15, 2025 by Leave a Comment

The inspiration for this blog is the result of a blog I read today from another dad with a son in recovery when he asked “Where are the Dads?”

Shortly after I was celebrating and embracing the powerful transitions occurring in my life, I was having lunch with a couple of close, trusted friends. Both were passionately encouraging me to be more proactive in sharing the energy and inspiration of my life changing 100Pedals experience. I was quite reluctant. Finally, one of them looked me very intensely and said “Dave, you have created more buzz and awareness through your love and commitment to your son than anything you have done relating to your sales training and coaching.” My reaction was what I did was nothing special, that any dad would have done the same thing. Their collective response was, “no they wouldn’t!” That was one.

Last summer I gave a presentation at a church group. I thought nothing of the fact that 90% of the attendees were Moms. After my talk, I received wonderful coaching from a friend of a friend, who instructed me that my target audience was Dads. The people who most needed to hear my story and the group I needed to focus the gifts of my lessons, experiences, and insights were Dads. Her reasoning was that Dads have no outlet or course of action for managing something they cannot get control over. Their ego, their emotional make-up, and their unwillingness to be vulnerable — puts them in a position where they need a role model to help them discover how live, not survive, when something goes uncontrollably wrong. That was two.

Finally, I participated in a presentation at a men’s breakfast one Saturday morning. This audience was one of the few times where there were more men than women — all Dads and one Mom (the woman who arranged for my participation at the event received a special exemption to attend.) At the end of the session, there was one Dad who was particularly touched by the story I shared. My story of pain and confusion with addiction resonated with him and the inspirations I shared of finding hope and peace in the chaos intrigued him. We had two subsequent conversations — right after the talk and several days later on the phone. He had lost a son to a addiction related suicide and was concerned his other son was spiraling out control as a result of his brother’s actions. Though we had a couple of great conversations, I couldn’t help but be bothered by this nagging feeling that, although I was pretty successful at sharing my story and providing guidance and support, I was not really as prepared or as committed I needed to be to assist him. That feeling has been in my heart for several months now. That was three.

When I read 3D’s blog, I was reminded why I am here today and what have committed to. There are not enough Dads out there who now how to channel their pain, share their feelings, ask for help, and discover the potential for emotional peace. A big part of this is that it is easier to retreat to the security of our egos and our work than openly share our emotional pain over something we cannot control, fix, or understand. Retreat and reflection is the safest harbor.

That is why I joining 3D and calling out to all Dads dealing with addiction in your world. If you are hurting, in pain, asking questions, looking for help, struggling to find your footing in the face of the destructive forces of addiction in your family — ask for help! There may not be a lot of us out there who have gone public. But, there are enough resources available that, if you are willing, you can find what you are looking for.

Filed Under: Addiction, Giving Love, Lessons In Addiction, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Practice Humility Tagged With: , , , ,

“Be the change…”

February 13, 2026 by Leave a Comment

I was listening to a conversation yesterday between Dr. Herby Bell and Dean Dauphinais, two awesome men and fathers actively committed to educating and inspiring parents and families dealing with addiction.

“Be the change you want to see in your son.”

What a powerful statement. As parents, we give direction to our children in many areas, including the perils of drug use. How cognizant are you, of the unintentional examples you may be setting through your behaviors in relation to your directives?

In this podcast, Dean shares the wake-up call he received through a conversation with his son’s therapist as his son was in his recovery program. The therapist reminds Dean that although he is encouraging his son to embrace sobriety, coming home after a stress filled day and self-medicating with a glass of wine or a stiff drink is not the example he needs to be setting. I am not saying or encouraging that we not drink if we are going to send a clear message about the perils of drugs or alchohol; however, we need to be aware of our responsibilities as parents for our behaviors and how they inspire or influence our children in the manner we encourage and expect them to live. Our we teaching and demonstrating the examples of behavior we expect from them?

In his book, “Beyond the Yellow Brick Road” author Bob Meehan reminds us that as adults our ability to influence our children diminishes as they transcend into adolescence. Anyone with an teenage child already knows this all too well. The reason we lose our credibility is that adolescents begin to trust their friends and the media more, partly because they way they romance or simplify complex realities; but, they also start to discover and realize on their own the inconsistencies and double standards of behavior that many adults — moms, dads, teachers, relatives — apply to their own lives. In the adolescent experience, adults exemplify behaviors demonstrating every rule has its exceptions. Preaching one standard and living another teaches that the rules are subject to interpretation and breaking or bending them is acceptable or justifiable.

I would encourage you to listen to the entire podcast and read the entire book as there are many, many more inspiring, informative and thought provoking pieces.

Bottom line, whatever you desire to see exuded in the behaviors of those around you and those you love, are best imitated when you take the lead in exuding those behaviors first. Be the change you want to see in others.

Filed Under: Addiction, Embrace Responsibility, Inspirational Perspectives, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

A great celebration blended with much love, hope, and admiration!

February 11, 2026 by 4 Comments

Mission Accomplished!!

It was around this time three years ago that I was in the middle of my 100Day Challenge. That challenge — ride my bike for an hour a day for one hundred consecutive days — was created to help me find strength and clarity in the face of my son’s addiction driven life. I experienced, celebrated, and learned a great deal through the successful completion of my challenge. It was the beginning of an incredible and significant transformation in my life.

Though I had always secretly wished Brandon would follow the experience of this path as a route to his recovery - I rarely encouraged he try it. When I did, it was met with much reluctance and resistance. Though he would always encourage me on my path, he rarely seemed openly interested in following a similar one in his life.

This is why I am so pleased to be able to celebrate Brandon’s accomplishments with him today. About eighty-eight days ago, Brandon posted on Facebook that he had quietly been engaged in a 100Day Challenge. It was the first time he freely volunteered and shared a commitment like this. I was shocked, surprised, and grateful.

This morning, I joined Brandon on the walk that marked his 100th Day. He had completed his 100Day Challenge. He has devised and created a routine for this life that provides him the focus and clarity for the balance of his day. As a parent who knows the struggles he has faced and the challenges he faces daily, I cannot be more impressed, proud, and grateful for his accomplishments today. Every day is a challenge for an individual dealing with addiction. Inserting a positive addiction into his daily routine is a wonderful gift.

Brandon, I know your journey. I understand the road you are on. You have created a path that works. I pray you stay on it and hope you inspire others to join you along the way. Congratulations on your accomplishment!! Love, Dad!

Filed Under: Celebrating Accomplishment, Lessons In Addiction, Maintaining Focus, Make A Commitment, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Life’s Traffic Signals

February 10, 2026 by Leave a Comment

Traffic signals can be analogous for to our life’s behaviors. The typical traffic light has three colors - green, yellow, red. Three behavioral responses are often associated with those colors — go, caution, stop. With the exception of the yellow light - which elicits a variety of reactive behaviors — we all know the road rules associated with each color as we pull up to the light.

While we do not directly respond to defined rules associated with color triggers in our non-driving experiences, our situational state can often define our behaviors and actions in a similar manner that traffic signals do. As I started to think about it, the same color codes could easily be applied to how we respond to certain events or trigger signals in our life.

  • Green: The anticipation of impending accomplishment or the start of a new and exciting venture — all systems GO!
  • Yellow: A loss of momentum created by adversity and doubt - caution, slow down.
  • Red: Failure, rejection, disappointment — regroup, stop, start over!

The reality is that much of what we desire to accomplish puts us on road filled with signal-esque emotional experiences. There are moments where it seems as though we are flying along without hitting a single red light. While there are others patches where every single step or turn features some obstacle acting in a manner that stops us or, at least slows us down.

Rather than empowering life’s “traffic conditions” to define our behaviors in terms of go, caution, stop, I developed this simple set of attitudinal mindsets to reinforce my commitment to a mindset of perpetual forward motion. The pace of your go is defined by the conditions:

  • In a moment of accomplishment, celebration;
  • In the face of adversity, hope;
  • In a moment of failure; perseverance.

Nothing ever really stops us unless we stop ourselves. While we may see what feels and looks like the red light of failure it is not a call to stop and start over, it is actually a challenge to find a way to keep moving even though our confidence and our spirit may be dampened at the time. It the commitment to perpetual forward motion that enables us to reach the outcome we desire.

Filed Under: Make A Commitment, Managing Adversity, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

Okay, what’s next?

February 7, 2026 by 2 Comments

Many of us have spent the week tripping over, reading, or sharing a variety of thoughts, blogs, articles, and perspectives regarding drug abuse and addiction. Featured among these content providers were the large group, and getting larger, of parents like me who have made it their commitment to get involved — to help, guide and support those impacted by this disease.

We are passionate about doing everything we can to educate and inform. We are involved to help eliminate the stigma of drug addiction so that society can focus on finding a cure, discovering a solution. We are dedicated to being an educational and informational resource that encourages and inspires children and adults to find alternatives to their physical and emotional pain that does not involve drug use.

“I yearn for the moment when those that suffer from, and have fallen victim to the horrific disease that is addiction will one day be given the memorial that their souls truly deserve.” ~ Kelsey’s Blog

As the wave of shock, reflection, and mass information that proliferated our world following the passing of Philip Seymour Hoffman slows, let us not forget for every superstar related tragedy there are thousands more we don’t know about, grieve, or reflect on. What about the ones suffering today and the addicts of tomorrow?

What’s next?

  • For me, I am going to get really, really busy doing my part to love, inspire, encourage, and educate.
  • For the rest of you who have not lived, experienced, or suffered addiction in your life, that is truly awesome. Please be open, receptive, tolerant, and loving towards those who have. You do not understand their pain or the loss. Give yourself the opportunity to learn more.
  • For those who need help. Get it. Whether you are using or have a child who is — this is the time to reach out and get busy making positive and productive and meaningful changes to reclaim a life — yours!!

Filed Under: Addiction, Inspirational Perspectives, Lessons In Addiction, Make A Commitment, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Seizing Opportunity Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Everything we do is a choice, including offering love and empathy

February 5, 2026 by Leave a Comment

When the conversation about drugs and addiction comes up, there are some folks out there who really do their best to maintain its dark, judgmental stigma. Their stance that “drugs are a choice” and those who chose to use deserve the consequences of choice.

I bet these are the same folks who would love another chance at redemption if they were to get pulled over by the police while under the influence of alcohol, or think it unfair if they were fired for showing up late at work. I am certain I could make a long list of zero tolerance exceptions for those who spout the rules of absolutes. Funny how absolutes are protected by self-serving exemptions.

When I read the inflamed, ignorant, mean, intolerant comments tossed around on social media based chats, sites, and articles regarding addiction and drug use, it disappoints and hurts me. These folks simply do not know. At the same time, there are many sensitive, thoughtful, challenging, understanding and supportive comments threaded in there, as well. These comments demonstrate experience or, at least, the desire to understand the issue, the problem, and the challenges all of society faces as drug abuse continues to grow in our country.

For every angry, uncaring, scarred human there is at least one another person who has lived and experienced addiction in their lives or in the lives of friends. These people know drug addiction, addiction of any kind, is not something angrily, judgmentally or cold-heartedly dismissed or excused. Until you know, you cannot know — be careful how you judge, criticize, or stigmatize the issue. It may come home to you and then the wake up call is harder to take than you realize!

When it comes to drugs and addiction and the families affected — no one is looking for an excuse, a handout, or someone to assign blame to for their situation. The families of addicted loved ones are simply asking for help — understanding, treatment, a cure — for this disease.

I never expect anyone to approve of my son’s choices. I don’t. I am incredibly upset, disappointed, angry, and hurt that his life ended up this way. I am extremely pained that he suffers in his life the way he does because of those decisions he has made. My heart breaks for him when I think of his journey. I don’t blame anyone but him. This does not mean he deserves to be condemned to hell on earth simply because he became trapped by an illness as a result of something stupid he did in the past.

When my son makes a decision to get help — treatment and recovery — I would love for there to be a cure for his situation. Right now, there is not enough resources to properly treat those that want and need help. The social stigma of addiction doesn’t make the need, the cause, or the demand to find a cure attractive, valued, or necessary. For those desperate and willing, the only treatment they receive is for the symptom not the disease. It is not enough.

I am not asking anything of my fellow humans what I would not be willing to give to another. I am asking and encouraging every one of you to make better conscious choices about how you treat your fellow man. Remember love, understanding, patience, and empathy are desperately needed if we are going to make the world a better place. What you do is up to you. After all, it is your choice.

 

Filed Under: Embrace Responsibility, Giving Love, Learning From Experience, Lessons In Addiction, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Seizing Opportunity, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

The Battle is ON!!

February 4, 2026 by 2 Comments

Addiction is a disease!

Rarely do I publicly rant in response to ignorance. Ignorance, by definition, is simply one person demonstrating their incredible lack of knowledge on a particular subject or issue. When an ignorant comment is delivered with hate, insensitivity, contempt, or judgment toward another person the gloves must come off!

Today I am declaring my commitment to battle the ignorance in our society on drug addiction.

Drug addiction is a disease. It is a disease that attacks the mind and takes over the body and destroys people’s ability to make the decisions that help them get better.

There are over 23 million people with substance abuse related addiction. They are not simply troubled kids from broken homes, in the poorer parts of town or blighted urban areas. Nor are they all drug addled rock stars or spoiled actors.

Addicts are simply human beings who, for one reason or another, tried something that made them feel good, feel whole. It is very similar to your shot of bourbon after work, or your glass of wine, or your prescription meds, or your Twinkies treats. Not everyone who uses drugs is an addict. Unfortunately, there are components in some people’s physiological and psychological make up that triggers an addiction. It happens. It can happen to anyone, anywhere, at any time. No one knows that they have the gene until it is too late.

I am a father of a son who has been battling a heroin addiction for over four years. He will tell you he never wanted to be an addict. He never thought he would become an addict. He wishes he could stop being an addict (though he is in recovery — he will always be an addict). All he wanted to do was feel better. He was seeking an escape. He didn’t believe, know or think he could have possibly ended up in the situation he did.

We all make conscious choices. For some the outcome of those choices had far greater impact on our lives. For many, the impact of those decisions- diet, smoking, lack of exercise — didn’t manifest themselves immediately. There are over 23 million people who suffer from substance related addiction. 23 million! That is nearly double the 12.8 million people who are currently, or have been, treated for cancer.

It is a disease. We can argue all day about conscious or unconscious choice. “They shouldn’t have stuck the needle in their arm.” For me that is a non-starter. We all could argue about the good health, bad health decisions that people make every day in the face of the threat of disease or illness. Yet, we as a society accept the impact of those choices because we have accepted the reality of the diseases they are now dealing with.

Before you judge, before you show contempt and before you dismiss, please do your homework. Drug usage is up. It is becoming increasingly cheaper and easier to buy heroin. It is everywhere.

The cure is not solely found through the elimination of drugs. Richard Nixon declared war on drugs over 40 years ago.

The cure is not to simply learn to “Say No!” Nancy Reagan started that campaign 30 years ago.

Both are great causes.

The cure is education and treatment. Learn to understand and treat the disease. Make a commitment to finding a cure. In order to do that, we as a society must be willing to learn more about the problem instead of simply dismissing it with a cold hearted, mean spirited, ignorant comment.

I am here to educate those who want to learn more and support the parents who are suffering in the meantime. The battle is on and I will change the game!!

Filed Under: Lessons In Addiction, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , ,
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