Addiction in ‘A Very Fine House’

January 29, 2026 by Leave a Comment

When her daughter started using Crystal Meth, Barbara Stoefen didn’t know what to do, so she did the only thing she could do - learn, get help for herself, and be open about her situation. Barbara learned early on the power of boundaries, consequences, and self-care. She quickly came to understand the only hope for her daughter’s recovery was for her daughter to experience the consequences of her choices.

It was a decision that ultimately may have saved her daughter’s life.

Please enjoy this conversation with Barbara as she shares her lessons and walks us through her journey. While Barbara’s path was not always easy, it is extremely enlightening to hear how she proactively accelerated the learning curve and engaged in helping her daughter experience the consequences of her addiction driven choices. While these are not easy decisions for any parent, Barbara certainly presents a marvelous example of the power and opportunity in these behaviors.

Links of interest:

A Very Fine House (book)

Barbara Cofer Stoefen (website/blog)

Barbara Cofer Stoefen (Facebook page)

Barbara Cofer Stoefen (Twitter)

Filed Under: Addiction Conversation Podcast Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Addiction in “A Very Fine House”

January 28, 2026 by

When her daughter started using Crystal Meth, Barbara Stoefen didn’t know what to do, so she did the only thing she could do - learn, get help for herself, and be open about her situation. Barbara learned early on the power of boundaries, consequences, and self-care. She quickly came to understand the only hope for her daughter’s recovery was for her daughter to experience the consequences of her choices.

It was a decision that ultimately may have saved her daughter’s life.

Please enjoy this conversation with Barbara as she shares her lessons and walks us through her journey. While Barbara’s path was not always easy, it is extremely enlightening to hear how she proactively accelerated the learning curve and engaged in helping her daughter experience the consequences of her addiction driven choices. While these are not easy decisions for any parent, Barbara certainly presents a marvelous example of the power and opportunity in these behaviors.

Links of interest:

A Very Fine House (book)

Barbara Cofer Stoefen (website/blog)

Barbara Cofer Stoefen (Facebook page)

Barbara Cofer Stoefen (Twitter)

 

Check out this episode!

Filed Under: Addiction Conversation Podcast

You will be changed

January 26, 2026 by 2 Comments

“Adversity teaches us the lessons we are not willing to teach ourselves.”

When you find yourself in the middle of life’s struggles, it is hard to imagine anything positive emerging from that experience. You just want it to be over with.

In the midst of the emotional battle of a parent’s addiction journey, it is hard to hear the words, “there is opportunity in the chaos.” In reality, there is.

Any parent’s addiction battle is a particularly gripping and emotional one. For me, it was and is the greatest individual struggle of my life. But, it also was and continues to be the greatest gift in my life. It became a gift the minute I made a determination that I was not going to try to control the problem or change the person with the problem. It became a gift the moment I decided to change how I dealt with, responded to, and experienced the outcomes of my son’s addiction. It became a gift when I declared it is his addiction, not mine.

Your child’s addiction has changed you. It has taken you from a place where your dreams for your life and your child’s life became interrupted by a monster. It seized control of your world and turned it upside down. It took everything you believed and understood about love, trust, and hope and tore it apart. Now, it has taken over control of your life.

You have been changed – for the worse. It is now time to be changed for the better.

Breaking free from the grip of addiction means you cannot let the addiction take over your life, your priorities, your behaviors, and your expectations for someone else. You must set boundaries, define your rules, and take care of yourself. Without it, the addiction owns you, too.

Battling the addiction that exists in another person is a fruitless effort. The addiction is in control of your loved one and will only be stopped when your loved one makes that determination to fight to reclaim control of their life.

You are not the one with the addiction. You can choose to say “no” to that addiction at any time. If you haven’t it is likely because you feel a sense of commitment and obligation to helping that loved one fulfill the hopes and dreams you have for them. That is noble, honorable, and a wonderful, loving commitment; but, you cannot go down with the ship. In doing so, the addiction claims two lives. There are others who need you, love you, depend on you, and are blessed by your presence when you are on your game.

You cannot beat the monster within another. As long as you fight their monster, you are enabling the monster to break you down and destroy you - one painful, hurtful lesson after another.

You have been changed. You are forever changed. That change can take on a powerful and impactful tone the day you wake-up and embrace living an addiction free life. Addiction free means in taking control of your life, not fighting to be in control of someone else’s. You will be positively transformed the moment you say, I can’t live like this anymore and do exactly what you know you need to do to reclaim your life. You will never be free of the addiction as long as your loved one suffers with their disease; but, being addiction free means that addiction cannot and will not destroy you along the way.

There is tremendous opportunity for you to grow, evolve, and celebrate the hidden gifts in this difficult journey. It is a battle you didn’t sign-up for our volunteer to be part of. It is your battle just the same. I encourage you to fight the battle for your life, it is the most important battle out there. There is a gift in the outcome. And, it can only be uncovered by taking the necessary actions that will take you there.

Peace!

Filed Under: Parenting, Parenting & Addiction Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

Attack Addiction - The Tyler Keister Story

January 22, 2026 by

Tragedy changes us, it transforms us, it crushes us.  While some are broken by the loss, others grab hold of the horns and fight through to make a difference in the lives of those around them.

This is the story of Tyler Armstrong Keister and his family. Lost to his addiction, Tyler’s family have made a commitment to aTAcK Addiction! Their efforts to being education and awareness to families in the Delaware area is inspiring and game changing. They may never get past the loss of their son, but this family is committed to preventing other families from going through a similar journey.

When you listen to this podcast you will hear the all to familiar story of a wondeful, talented young man taken far too early in his life by addiction. You will also hear about a family’s relentless commitment to educate, inform and inspire. Finally, you will hear about activities and resources that have been created and developed in Delaware that need to expand into other states.  This could be your call to action.

Links of Interest:

aTAcK addiction website

helpishereDE

aTAck addiction 5K Race

Shatterproof.org

 

Check out this episode!

Filed Under: Addiction Conversation Podcast

“I can’t take this anymore!”

January 19, 2026 by Leave a Comment

To those who say, “I can’t take this anymore,” you don’t have to. Nothing is stopping you from changing what is happening in your world, except you. Even though the circumstances causing you to make this declaration may not be under your direct control, you still have the ability to seize control of your life and redefine your actions, decisions, and choices in response to that which impacts you.

You cannot take “it” anymore because you are wrestling with your inability to be in control of something you have no control over. Instead of attempting to control an situation or issue that is not yours to manage, focus instead on what you have control over – your life!

You are not helpless. You are not a victim. You are not powerless.

You are choosing to live in an adverse situation simply because it is easier to live with the conflict, the controversy and the pain than it is to do the difficult work of changing your life in response to it.

Many of the parents I coach who are dealing with family addiction issues exclaim “this is hard work!” They struggle with the work associated with learning and discovering how to change their behaviors, their responses, and their conversations as it relates to their child’s addiction. When they finally realize the only aspect of this situation they can change exists in their life and not the life of their child, their whole mindset shifts. It is only then do they begin to focus on what they control, not what they cannot. It is in that shift they find resolve to begin managing their life rather than getting caught up in the insanity of attempting to manage a child’s addiction!

Many parents expect their children to completely change their lives to give up their addiction. Yet, they fail to realize that in the face of this same situation they will also to need to change their habits, routines, and behaviors, as well.

Think about it! You are expecting your loved one to embrace the concept and the effort required to initiate change and move from a toxic situation in their life, even though you cannot engage in the same form of activity to change your life in relation to similar, damaging activities.

It is much easier to expect and demand change of someone else, rather than be responsible for making changes in ourselves!

If you are obsessed with and invested in managing the daily chaos of a loved one’s addiction – STOP. It is their problem, not yours. Quit demanding they change their life. It is their life, not yours. Manage your life. Take control of your life.

Instead, take your own advice. Do what you need to do to move away from the situation and not be insanely invested in managing what you cannot control. Save yourself. Take care of yourself. Change your behaviors, improve your communication skills, set clear boundaries and enforce them, quit enabling your child, and empower them to live, learn, and experience the consequences of their choices. Most importantly, let go of the fear, guilt and worry associated with the choices they make – you cannot control or change them anyway!

It will not be easy, it will not be fun, it will not always go smoothly at first. Change is difficult and challenging. It is also more productive and emotionally, physically healthier than what you are doing right now. Like recovery, change is a process. You will get better and smarter and stronger once you decide change is necessary. And remember, none of this is a tactic to help them find recovery. It is a commitment that will help you reclaim a derailed life - yours. When they are ready, if they are ready, they will be fortunate to find you a stronger, healthier more capable resource of strength and inspiration. If they never are ready, you will have moved your life forward in a positive, productive direction despite the loss. Take control of what you can control. Let go of what you cannot. Find clarity for your life in the process. Peace!

Filed Under: Lessons In Addiction, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

Beautiful Mess

January 15, 2026 by

Every great story begins from much the same place.  What makes any story great is not where it begins, but where it takes us.

The story of today’s guest begins at the same place many of our Addiction Conversation stories do. It may be challenging or repetitive to hear listen to another story that starts from that dark place known as addiction, overdose and loss. It the only way to truly appreciate the success, the lessons, and the experience of the hero’s journey is to know where their personal story begins.

What you will hear today is the journey of a single mom, who lost her son in 2013 to an overdose. While her son traveled in and out of treatment facilities for years, he eventually lost his battle with his addiction.

Every conversation is an opportunity to be inspired, informed, and educated. This conversation with Mary Beth Nametz is much the same.  Listen to her story as she shares her experiences on her journey, her commitment to find recovery resources for parents who need answers now, and her other projects like providing coats to the homeless. 

Heard on this podcast: “Unless life becomes so unbearable to the point they don’t want to do this anymore, nothing changes.  If we keep picking up the pieces for them they will never get to that point.”

Links of Interest:

A Beautiful Mess Foundation

A Beautiful Mess Foundation (Facebook)

Check out this episode!

Filed Under: Addiction Conversation Podcast

“I feel like I am losing hope”

January 12, 2026 by Leave a Comment

Hope is never lost.

Hope must never be lost.

Hope merely appears to be lost when your dreams crash headfirst into your reality.

When everything seemingly spirals out of control, it is not a time to lose hope; it is simply a reality check. Victory, crossing the finish line, incredible success – is always possible. Incredible, miraculous outcomes are always possible as long as you believe. But, you can only create miracle by your actions for your life, not in the by expecting someone else to take actions in theirs.

“Losing hope” is that struggle to believe once you are introduced to the reality of life - how you thought things would or should go and how they actually do go are two entirely different roads.

As you examine the situation, it is hard to see how any detour can possibly lead to the outcome you planned or expected; especially, if there are numerous, confusing, painful ones along the way. As long as you are willing to accept there are many paths - many of them unknown by us - to accomplishment, anything is possible.

When you become so attached to an outcome linked to a singular path it is a struggle to imagine that “being off course” can still lead to the desired outcome.

Life rarely goes according to plan. Where you start and how you finish hardly ever goes as envisioned. Life offers adventures, challenges, obstacles, and pain you never plan for, expect, or appreciate at the time. There is a process in every person’s journey that takes them off course. It is in the detours where the true lessons of life are taught. Not going according to plan, being off course, stumbling, struggling, failing, are all part of the process. It does not mean you cannot get there, it only means the trip you planned and the one you actually take are going to be different. Often, that reality is hard to accept.

Parents living with a child on their addiction journey are painful witness to their loved one’s personal life journey. It is hard to watch them go through their experiences, accept their choices, find comfort in the prospect that they will someday recovery from this nightmare. From the day they were born, you had expectations, dreams and a vision for their life and your reality is crushing those dreams.

In their addiction, things never go according to your plan. It is likely that even their recovery is not going according to your plan. You need to remember one important rule, it is not your plan that matters. This is their life. As screwed up, messed up, and lost as it may seem – it is their life, their journey, their experiences to learn from. There is nothing you can do about it!

Are you losing hope? There is no reason to lose hope. All you really need is a change of perspective. You are fighting a reality battle – where your dreams for someone else’s life comes face-to-face with the reality that it is their life and you have no ability to control it or change it. When you were lost in your life (and you were more than once) you found your way. What makes you think they can’t or won’t find theirs? There is no reason to lose hope. Simply stop trying to figure out how to get someone to live your dream for their life!

  • Change your focus, adjust your perspective, and put an end to trying to influence outcomes that are beyond your control.
  • There is opportunity in every day to celebrate, love, and achieve.
  • Live your life, stop living someone else’s.
  • Find clarity and peace in living the life that has been given to you and for you.
  • Focus on and trust your path for your life.
  • Be at peace in empowering others to embrace their journey.
  • Continually offer them your love and your encouragement.
  • Pray they will find what they are looking for.
  • Most importantly, always believe in their ability to emerge from life’s storms in much the same way you have learned to adapt, evolve and succeed in yours.

Peace!

Filed Under: Maintaining Focus, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

A Mom on a Mission: How one mom found peace in addiction’s storm

January 8, 2026 by

Every parent goes through the process. There are four stages to the learning curve when it comes to a child’s addiction - shock, anger, detachment, peace. Not every parent finds the third or fourth phase. This mom did. It is not easy. But, it is possible.

Today’s podcast features, Melissa Porche. Melissa is a mom whose oldest daughter is battling her addiction demons. There was a time, only months ago, where Melissa was stuck, didn’t know what to do, and realized her daughter’s problem was in complete control of her life and her family.   

Today she has found peace in the storm. She reached out, found her trusted resources, took their advice, followed her instincts, and gave it to God. This is her inspiring, insightful, and authentic story.  

References:

Three Ways to Rise Above the Addiction Drama

The Joey Song

A Time to Heal

Check out this episode!

Filed Under: Addiction Conversation Podcast

“Excuse the disease?”

January 5, 2026 by 7 Comments

Please explain to me why we excuse the choice to use drugs by saying it is a disease? To me a disease is cancer. No one chooses to get cancer and then fight it. I love food. I think about eating lots of yummy things I shouldn’t because I am diabetic; but, I don’t. Does that make me an addict fighting a disease? I’ve been told that having diabetes is no different than being a heroin addict. I understand that addiction is the need to use something; but, why are people not held accountable for their choice? Perhaps I’m just a bad mother. But. I simply cannot excuse horrible behaviors or bad choices by simply calling it a disease. Please help me understand. ~ Shared by a mom dealing with addiction in her family

I don’t believe that anyone deserves to be “excused” from their actions or their choices. We all make decisions. We have all made some pretty bad ones. Many of our adverse outcomes can be directly connected to past bad decisions. Hopefully, we have learned from them. When it comes to the disease of addiction, what is needed is a little more understanding, a little less judging, and a lot more selfless loving. Our children’s addiction issues are not about us; it is about them, what they need from us to get through this, and how we respond to this situation in our life.

Don’t excuse the behavior or the disease, understand and respond to it from a place of love and knowledge.

Making a decision to take drugs is a bad choice. With all the information out there, one would hope our children would somehow know better and not choose to do something as stupid as taking drugs.

Some do. Some don’t. Some stop. Some can’t. Some escape. Some won’t.

Most every adolescent will experiment with some form of risky behavior. It is part of growing up. It is part of the learning curve. Those that do are looking for an outlet for their emotional state of mind. Being an adolescent is the most turbulent period in a person’s life. Their bodies are changing, their minds are evolving, their hormones are raging; and, they are afraid, confused, worried about the transitions in their present and future life. This is natural, it is normal and it is unavoidable.

Fortunately, many adolescents find a path through this dark period without doing something destructive or with permanent consequences. Some experiment and escape serious outcomes to their risky behaviors. Others get trapped by the results of their choices. Addiction is one of those traps.

Once trapped by the disease of addiction, it is a difficult, long, challenging battle. That battle is only won when the person with the disease recognizes they have a disease and are willing to treat it. It is only when someone decides to battle or accept their disease as a problem that they will then seek out and embrace treatment for it. Not before and definitely not because someone else tells them to.

They have to realize that something is wrong, they have to recognize how dangerous the situation is on their terms, and they have to decide to ask for help. Until then, it is not a problem just because you see it as one.

You do not need to excuse the behaviors of a person with an addiction. You are not required to tolerate it. You are free to create and define boundaries that demonstrate your unwillingness to participate in a lifestyle that maintains it. Do you let people who have been drinking drive you, do you let people smoke in your house, do you remind people that swearing is offensive - these are all examples of boundaries you set for behaviors you will not accept. You can and need to create the same boundaries with those who have an addiction or are abusing drugs.

When it comes to tolerance you need to recognize and accept that until they see their choices as a problem, there is little or nothing you can do to alter their behaviors. It is not constructive to judge or compare the decisions or actions of the underdeveloped, teenage mind for their immature decisions in the same context as a developed, adult mind making mature choices. Instead, focus on educating the adolescent to find better, more positive outlets for their emotional struggles before they do something that may hurt them. If they are already trapped, focus on defining and creating clear, consistent boundaries for their behaviors and hope these actions will interrupt their path. Peace!

Author’s note: Recommend “Beyond the Yellow Brick Road” by Bob Meehan. The teachings in his book are the source of much of the perspectives offered in this article.

Filed Under: Lessons In Addiction, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction Tagged With: , , , , , , ,