The parents of addicted children are often faced with difficult decisions. Nothing is ever easy. When you’re under this kind of stress, it’s hard to know if you’re making the best choice for you, your addicted child, and your family.
But it must be done. So how do you do it? How do you make the right choice again and again?
If you’re a Christian, the Bible tells you exactly how to do this. First, you need a plan. Next, every choice you make should support that plan.
To create a good plan, begin with trust. Trust God to have an awesome plan in mind for you and your family, just like he promises in the Bible:
“For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, plans for your welfare and not for woe, so as to give you a future of hope. When you call me, and come and pray to me, I will listen to you. When you look for me, you will find me. Yes, when you seek me with all your heart, I will let you find me, and I will change your lot.” (Jeremiah 29:11-14, NAB)
Your plan must be the best plan for your addicted child AND your entire family. Everyone is important in an addiction situation. No one should be left out. But don’t worry. If your plan abides by the Ten Commandments, it’s a good plan for your Christian family.
Now that you have a plan, how do you make the right choices to support that plan? Once again, the Bible offers sound advice:
“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Keep on doing what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me. Then the God of peace will be with you.” (Philippians 4:8-9, NAB)
Making the best choice in any addiction situation isn’t as difficult as it might seem. Trust God to help you create a plan in line with his commandments. Make sure every decision not only supports that plan but also follows the wise advice in Philippians.
When you do, you’ll make good choices. And you’ll walk in the peace of God. Wow. It doesn’t get any better than that, does it?
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Are you the parent of a child addicted to drugs or alcohol? The emotional roller coaster of addiction is not God’s best for you or your family. Dave Cooke is an Addiction Coach and an internationally recognized speaker. Let him show you how to move your family back on track in a healthier direction by applying Christian principles. To contact Dave for private coaching, go to http://www.100pedals.com/coaching/ or email [email protected]. You’ll be amazed what a difference an hour with Dave can make in your life!
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We need a conversation about what a spouse should do when nothing changes. I have had enough of the wife that stands Thur thick and thin. Thur Gods eyes a took a vow. Sickness and health. But his disease is making me physicaly sick myself..
Anjay,
You are bringing up one of the most challenging issues for parents dealing with addiction - two methods of response. When I coach parents through their issues, one of the fundamental steps is helping them understand that each has a different approach. It looking at those approaches, the partners need to learn to collaborate, communicate and agree on how they will deal with the issue. If they don’t, they are not together. A house divided struggles to heal. I would encourage the two of you to begin to discuss how each of you feels about the situation, what you would each like to accomplish, find common ground and collaborate on how you are going to deal with the issue and support each other through the process.
What do you do when you have a sister (aunt to the addict) that continues to enable? I have explained to my sister the definition of enabling for many years now and she still chooses not to follow or respect the boundaries I have put in place for her. I have separated myself from her now since feb. 2015 because there is so much resentment that I hold against her. I look at her as though she is helping my daughter to kill herself each and every day by continuing to not allow my daughter to suffer the consequences of her choices. I am also struggling with so many what’s right and what’s wrong. My daughter has been an addict for 8 1/2 years and I know wehat has worked in the past and what hasn’t and this relapse, although she is now in rehab, which was mandated, I have not been to see her! She has been there for 3 months. I have however sent her a card with encouraging words and reassuring her that we love her and hope for a strong and sincere recovery. Is it wrong to not go to visit her? I feel that because that has not worked in the past and actually led to heavier drug use (now heroin) that it is time for her to feel the real brunt of everything by not having anyone visiting and allowing her to concentrate on true recovery. Please be brutally honest with me, I am desperate!
Sonya, that is a tough situation to be in with your sister. As you have already discovered, you cannot make people do what they don’t want to do. It is unfortunate that she is not respecting your desires for your daughter. I do not know what educational resources you have introduced to your sister about addiction, boundaries and enabling. I would suggest that you and your sister go to an Al-Anon or other parents support group meeting, or maybe see a therapist who specializes in addictions counseling. Use these resources to help educate your sister on what she doesn’t seem to understand.
Isolating your daughter from loved ones is your choice. Visiting her, showing your love for her, and being a source of encouragement with boundaries, can’t hurt and may help. It is not really productive to “punish” her for what she has done. It would be more powerful to show your love as a possible channel to inspire her to choose a different path.
I can remember back around 13 years ago while in a inpatient rehab I asked a counselor a question???? Can someone get to 100% sobriety without believing in God? The counselor kind of shocked me when his answer was ‘No”.
Starting early in the 12 steps God is mentioned a lot. If you wait for God to come and save you it may be a very long wait. The Hebrew slaves were in bondage for 400 years. Human beings are only living 70-80 years you will need four full life times to beat drug addiction if God is your plan.
If you bring God into your heart and it helps you to feel better go for it but until your willing to bust your ass and do the work “forget about it”.
Michael, thanks for the comments. Having gone through my various challenges under both scenarios, with faith and lacking faith, I have definitely found there is incredibly greater power and insight that comes from living and walking in faith. Agree. Work is required either way. But, having someone with you on your difficult walk is a much better option.