PEACE!

December 15, 2025 by Leave a Comment

Recently I experienced the joy of my little girl, now 30, giving birth to her first child, my first grandson. Babies are an incredible gift and truly a miracle of life. Upon arrival every parent is reminded of their child’s precious innocence. We are witness to a fragile, simple beginning where all our child seems to need is food, shelter, and love. What appears easy at the start becomes more challenging and complicated as they get older. Unchanged in this journey is a parent’s love for that little bundle of joy. If anything that love just gets stronger each and every day they are part of our lives.

There is nothing is more powerful than a parent’s love for their child. While every parent does their best to provide wisdom, coaching, encouragement, and support, the only perfect, pure and lasting gift is our love for our children. It is all we have; and we give it with every ounce of energy available.

Unfortunately, many parents are currently living in the painful reality that there are times when a parent’s love is not enough. No matter how much we love, coach, encourage, support, pray, and teach our child they can and do get lost to their life choices. Nothing hurts a parent more than when they are hit head-on with that reality. As much as every parent desires to fix a mistake, solve a problem, or erase the past in our children’s life, there is little we can do to protect them from making bad decisions or to alter the outcomes of many of those choices.

In this holiday season, it is my prayer that every parent who is suffering find their peace on their journey. While it is hard to imagine peace is possible, I firmly believer it is. Regardless of what goes on around you, no matter how difficult the storm, peace can and will be found from deep within your soul.

In this holiday season, please take a moment to thank God for that wonderful gift of your child or for each of your children. Be thankful for their “presents” in your life. Regardless of where they are today, they made you the person you are - one who loves, lives, teaches, and feels. They may not be physically here with you today and their absence is a great source of disappointment and pain. But, they are also very much with you in your memories, your experiences, your personality and your personal evolution - each of which is a gift from them to you.

May you find peace in this holiday season regardless of where you heart is. May you find joy in the gift of your life. And, may you find gratitude for all of your life experiences as each has made you wiser, stronger, and more loving than you realize.

Merry Christmas and Peace!

 

Filed Under: featured Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

Stop the Insanity

December 9, 2025 by Leave a Comment

empowerment: the giving or delegation of power or authority; authorization

enabling: “when helping your child is hurting you more than it is helping them…”

Every parent wrestles with “what to do” when it comes to the behaviors of a child with an addiction. We want so much for them to embrace a recovery program and be successful in that endeavor. We are committed that we cannot lose them or give up on them as they battle their addiction related issues. We believe that our love, our hope, and our encouragement will somehow facilitate the outcomes we desire. And, we will never give up on those beliefs, desires, or commitments as long as we have breath in our lungs.

What we don’t realize is that every time we look past their behaviors as we focus on our dreams, we are hurting ourselves and we are not helping them. We hurt ourselves because we experience a crushing emotional and sometimes physical blow with every relapse, deception, altercation, overdose or arrest. We are not helping them because we do everything in our power to help them avoid all the truly painful choices of their decisions.

There are two simple words that every parent needs to bring into their vocabulary. Every parent needs to understand what these words mean and recognize which behavior facilitates any potential for recovery and which one delays it or prevents it.

1. Enabling: We all fear the results and outcomes associated with our child’s addictive ways. Their addiction often flies under the radar until they are caught, overdose, or run out of money. Once we discover the problem, we go into rescue and cure mode. We are going to save our child. We equate keeping them out of jail, off the streets, and safely protected in our homes as s critical means to the end. Yet, we are disappointed and crushed time and again to discover through theft, deception, arrest that the addiction lives on. Our commitment to protecting them from the mistakes of their addiction and us from our fears of loving them overrules our intellectual choices. Instead we continue to save the soul that is lost to their addiction.

“When helping your child is hurting you more than it is helping them” you are enabling your child. You are slowly destroying yourself and you are unintentionally allowing them to experience the true outcomes of their choices. If you want to end the insanity in your life and offer your child any hope of recovery you must eventually stop enabling them.

2. Empowerment: At some point every child, addicted or not, needs to accept responsibility for their life. They need to experience and learn from their choices and decisions. They need to discover how to apply these lessons in order to develop and evolve. Whether they are dealing with an addiction or not, this is reality. Whether we like it or not, we parents need to embrace this reality.

Empowerment is the act of giving our children authority over their life. It is also the act of taking authority and control over our life. Our children will only learn when they have responsibility for their life and we can only find peace in our life when we take back control of it.

3. Take Action:

  • When you look at your life and wonder what to do with your addicted child ask yourself this question: Am I enabling my child or empowering them?
  • If your answer is enabling, ask yourself why?
  • Ask yourself, how that choice is helping both you AND your child.
  • Challenge yourself to map out a course of action that empowers your child to live the life they have chosen to live and helps you reclaim authority over your life.

It won’t be easy, but it is the better than living the insanity you are dealing with right now. Peace!

100Pedals has recently released two FREE programs for parents. (1) “Addiction and the Family: Four Guidelines to Embrace” is an audio program that provides parents perspective for dealing with addiction in the family. To obtain your digital download click here. (2) “Addiction Conversation” is a weekly podcast where Dave Cooke interviews parents, those in recovery, counselors, and legal experts to provide their perspectives from their experiences with addiction. To listen to an individual session click here or to download the podcast to I-Tunes click here.

 

Filed Under: featured Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , ,

A mother’s quest for joy

October 13, 2025 by 5 Comments

I was fortunate to have author and mom, Sandy Swenson, make time to join me on the podcast The Addiction Conversation. Sandy has recently released her book, “The Joey Song” which chronicles her story of her experiences with her oldest son Joey and his addiction driven life. Here are a few excerpts from this podcast.

Where do you find the courage to step up and share your story?

“Once I realized that my son had a disease then I could let go of the feeling of shame and blame. I could realize how lonely and scarred I was. I was really just defeated and crushed. It’s just horrible to be suffering all this with my son and not be able to tell anybody about it. And I believe very strongly that no parent should have to go through suffering along a child’s potentially fatal disease all alone. No parent should have to feel ashamed that their child has this disease and it’s time for us to start talking about this and shinning a light on it and treating it as a disease.”

Talk a little bit a about being the mom of this little innocent miracle and this transition as you define it…to a manipulative monster

“It takes a long time for a parent to think, to come to believe that their child is turning into a monster and or just even understanding what addiction is. We were just trying to figure out how to be parents. This is trying to figure out something that not even the professionals understand. We mess up a lot. It’s devastating to see the loss of a child and the addict starting to wear your child’s face - devastating.”

How do you sustain yourself and celebrate your life going forward?

“Joey was the one consuming the drugs but his addiction was consuming me. I had to make the choice that the disease wasn’t going to bring any more harm to any more people. I could not stop what was happening with Joey but I could stop the damned disease from hurting the rest of the family and having it going on and on and destroying more people. And I wanted to honor this wonderful boy that I held in my arms 27 years ago, not the addict who had taken his place.

So I’ve been trying to fill the space where my son belongs with goodness, not badness; with saneness, not madness; and, with the hopes that when he does come back, when he does find recovery, he comes back to a place where a family is healthy and we have goodness.”

You have a purpose to your behaviors with regard to your son.

“I do. Back when I was writing the book, I started to clarify these thoughts. I never thought things through as clearly, I surfaced-thought them. I thought deep and hard when I was writing the book and I was really able to come to a real clear understanding in my head of what I believed and how I was going to proceed. I will do what I can for my son which is not much. I can just tell him that I love him and take him to lunch and tell him I have his place warm for him and that’s about it. But I am not going to help the addict to kill my son.”

Download and listen to the entire podcast here on The Addiction Conversation.

Purchase the Joey Song.

Follow Sandy Swenson.

Filed Under: featured, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

Continuing My Roller Coaster Journey

September 15, 2025 by Leave a Comment

“Sometimes the thrill of soaring has to begin with the fear of falling” ~ Crystal Lewis, “For Such A Time As This“

I have never been too keen on roller coasters. It is my fear of heights combined with that sense of being completely out of control through a turbulent ride that prevents me from truly enjoying the roller coaster experience. More often than not, my roller coaster experiences have been about survival than thrill or entertainment.

I am certainly living a roller coaster experience, right now. Many times I feel like I am surviving the ride, hanging on for dear life, and struggling to find comfort in completely letting go. I have found much comfort in my faith that my current struggles, like a roller coaster ride, has a positive outcome with a celebratory end point that will offer a moment for gratitude and reflection regarding the entire experience. It is extremely hard to imagine such a moment when in the middle of this current ride as I am constantly jostled about by a new twist or turn or calamitous descent.

As I listened to the song, “For Such A Time As This“, I thought about the roller coaster ride that is my life. I have always been a person who was unafraid of change, willing to be challenged, and capable of making it through troubled times. I know that this current journey has given me much more than I have ever wanted and challenged me far beyond anything I believed I was capable of. There are times where I feel like I cannot take one more ounce of stress or pressure.

Even so, my heart tells me to move on, to press forward, to see where the journey takes me. Surrendering now only denies me the opportunity to discover how the ride ends and prevents me from learning and celebrating the most important lessons. Just like the roller coaster rides at the amusement park, you cannot really appreciate them unless you ride them. And, you have nothing to celebrate in the process if you don’t embrace the adventure.

I am going through the most difficult piece of my life’s journey. Finding the clarity, the strength, the confidence, and the commitment to continue has been more difficult than ever before. I wish there was a way to stop the ride or find another one, but there isn’t. This is my ride. This is my time. And, this my greatest opportunity. I will forge ahead because I am determined to discover and celebrate the end of the ride.

For such a time as this
Isn’t it much too great a risk
I’ve never flown from the edge of a cliff
Never walked on the water
But if I turn away
How will I know what I have missed
Have I waited all of my life
For such a time as this

Filed Under: Addiction, Celebrating Accomplishment, Make A Commitment, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, The Four Wheels of Personal Leadership, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

The cure and clarity in solitude

September 8, 2025 by Leave a Comment

Now, I was making the same drive alone, with nothing but my thoughts, my emotions, my fears, and my pain. It was a very long, quiet, tearful ride home. I had a lot of time to think, reflect, hope, and dream. Road trips can be very beneficial at times; this was certainly one of those cases. ~ DC, “Behind the Dumpster”

Never underestimate the power of escape. In the daily chaos of an addiction affected life, far too many parents completely immerse themselves into the issue until they have nothing left to offer or get completely lost on their journey. The obsession to fix, solve, love, understand, protect, save or survive can obsessively take over our lives. We lose sleep, we shed or gain weight, we stress out, we shun friends and relationships, we hide our shame and our guilt, and we slowly, systematically destroy ourselves. All in pursuit of something we have no control over - our child’s recovery.

When I captured this thought in my book, I was lamenting my drive from Detroit back to Phoenix. The previous time I had made this trip it was with my youngest son, Brandon. We drove from Detroit to Phoenix to move my business there. It was our best father-son road trip. We laughed, relaxed, enjoyed quality one-on-one time, and we made it an interesting adventure. It was the high point of my relationship experiences with him.

On this next, particular road trip, I was alone. I had gone to Detroit to rescue my son. He had been arrested. He was homeless. He was seriously addicted to heroin. He needed his dad. I went there to help him, to see what I could do to move him to Phoenix and give him a new start. Unfortunately, he had some legal obligations that prevented me from taking him to Phoenix. Instead, I watched him go back into jail to participate in a 30-day recovery program and I was left to return to Phoenix alone with nothing but my thoughts.

It is normal for life to present us with adversity and challenges. Those associated with a child’s addiction are incredibly more intense and difficult. Nothing can be fixed or improved by reacting to the problem. But, everything can be better managed when we respond to the situation. Accomplishing this requires we have made time to think, reflect and better understand what is going on. Clarity, commitment, strength, and courage all come from being organized and introspective.

This where peace, quiet, solitude and reflection are so important. Event though the time alone was very powerful, I didn’t take full advantage of my long journey home from Detroit that day because I became so obsessed with fixing, solving, and understanding the problem that I did not step back far enough from it to discover better potential outcomes or responses. I was still reacting to the situation.

Make time to be quiet, to escape, to find an internal peace in your mind, your body and your soul. Once you are quiet and relaxed, you will discover the answers to your most difficult and challenging questions. You will find the strength to carry on. You will discover the inspiration and the courage to have clear and constructive conversations with your child and others. You will find uncover great ideas. You may not like them and that is your option. However, the best ideas come when your energy is positive and clear and relaxed. I cannot share this little piece of wisdom enough - make time every single day to be quiet, to escape and to discover - it will completely change your life. Peace!

Looking for a safe, confidential, and convenient forum to interact and share with other parents dealing with addiction in their family? Every Tuesday, 100Pedals conduct the Parents’ Support Network - an open, confidential, online chat room for parents to share their stories, learn from each other, and offer hope, love, insight, and encouragement. Please join us. If you wish to learn more - click on this link.

Filed Under: Addiction, featured, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,

The Tough Love Challenge

August 4, 2025 by Leave a Comment

“I can’t do it. I want to, I need to. But I can’t do it. I want them out of my house, I want the drama gone from my life. I’m tired of arguing with my husband about them. I’m tired of my belongings ending up in the pawn shop. I’m tired of wondering if today is the day I’ll find one of them dead. I’m tired of not having the life I want at 48 years old. I’m tired of my 16 year old daughter living in a home where her two brothers shoot up heroin in the basement. But I can’t do it. I can’t stand at the door and watch them walk away knowing that they have no place to go and no one else to love them.” ~ A mom in response to a previous blog post

What a terrible place for any parent to find themselves in. Any parent with a child battling an addiction demon has had those moments of exasperation and despair to the point where it seemed like few alternatives were left.

How do we know when enough is enough? How can we turn our child away and send them to the streets? How can we possibly live with the potential outcomes of these choices?

There are no easy, simple, clear answers to these questions. It is very difficult to come to terms with the reality that everything else isn’t working and the options are shrinking. Every parent has been wired to protect, coach, love, encourage, and support their child. Getting to the point where a parent’s last resort, for the safety and security of self and the rest of the family, to tell their child they are no longer welcome in their home is so sad, painful and contrary to all we know.

While tough love may be the ultimate outcome, there are no shortcuts or quick paths to this decision. Getting to this point is a process. It is the individual, respective, and personal process that every parent must go through on their own terms, in their own way, and in their own manner.

The mom in this quote is feeling the pressure to do something that intuitively she knows she may need to do. Encouraging her to take this action is not the answer. It is trying to force her to do something she is not yet ready to do. The best course of action for other parents is to coach, encourage, love, and support her as she goes through her painful learning and decision making process. Every parent who has had to come to terms with this outcome has gone through their process. After the fact, they may have realized it was a good decision and could have been made earlier. It doesn’t alter the importance of the process - the decision was made when the parents were prepared to make that decision.

My message to this mom, you are in very difficult, painful place. You are becoming more and more aware of the impact of your sons’ choices in your home. I would encourage you to step back from the emotional aspect of sending them out the door and look at the bigger picture - who are you hurting by letting them stay? They are making conscious choices to hurt themselves and others without regard to the impact. At some point, you have to protect those that need your love and protection most. And, you may need to make a difficult, painful decision.

Here is my process for setting the table for a future, potential tough love conversation:

  1. Define the boundaries: Clearly define and articulate the agreements, norms, and requirements for living in the house.
  2. Explain the consequences: Clearly explain the outcomes and consequences for breaking the contract.
  3. Follow through: Be prepared and committed to taking action and following through on the consequences.
  4. Let them decide: Let their actions, behaviors, and decisions define the outcome.
  5. Accept their choices: If it doesn’t work out it is a choice they made not a choice you made.

Get your complimentary audio of my program “Three Ways to Rise Above the Addiction Drama.” Taken from the lessons of my experiences with my youngest son’s heroin addiction, I provide three behavioral tips for parents that will help them find more peace and clarity in dealing with the chaotic and destructive actions of a child dealing with addiction. To get your complimentary copy click here.

 

 

Filed Under: Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

Courageous, painful decisions

July 28, 2025 by 7 Comments

“Watching someone you love more than anything, walk away at 6:30 in the morning, tired, hungry and knowing they have no where to go is heartbreaking. Once again we decided it was time for them to go. As I stood in my home looking out, watching with that depressed and tired expression, looking back at our home like there is no one left in the world who cares about them is tearing me up inside. I know this is how it has to be. I need this to stop one way or another. I can’t take it much longer. What if there is no bottom? I have often thought this time is it, this will be the time they will seek help but it never is. I fear the bottom may be suicide one day. If that happens, will I be able to live with that?”

There comes a point in a parents’ addiction journey when they realize they have no control over their child’s decisions. This discovery is not limited to parents of children with addiction issues, it is every parents’ reality. There comes a point as our children get older where we cannot tell them what to do, we can only advise them what to do. Eventually, parents realize we cannot advise anymore, unless asked.

The difference between a normal parental journey and one challenged by the continued presence of addiction, is that our inability to control or define the choices our children make has significant consequences relating to the outcomes of these choices. While most parents live a life of natural concern and worry over the behaviors of their child, a parent in the addiction journey have a much higher level of angst. Their children are in a living battle for their lives, their soul, and their future. It is hard to find comfort in these choices once a parent realizes there is no way to help them anymore.

Parenting has never been easy. We want so much for our children that it is hard to watch them struggle, fail, fall down, or get lost. Being a parent is a lifetime commitment. There is never a time when once someone becomes a parent, they stop being a parent. Even when a child grows old, marries, and has children of their own - we are still parents.

Being a parent is not our only responsibility, though. Being a parent means that there are times where we must let our children find their path - even if it is a dangerous one. There comes a point where love, hope, and encouraging are going to have to be enough as we let them go to face the consequences, outcomes, and impact of their choices, their dreams, or their mistakes.

It is not easy letting go. It is even harder to let go of a child who is lost, hurting or sick. Regardless, it is their path, their journey and their life — they need to find it, follow it, and live it on their terms. Along the way we can hope, pray, and offer encouragement and direction. If all goes according to our dream for them, they will return to us inspired, changed, and happy. That is what letting go is all about!

Get your complimentary audio of my program “The Ways to Rise Above the Addiction Drama.” Taken from the lessons of my experiences with my youngest son’s heroin addiction, I provide three behavioral tips for parents that will help them find more peace and clarity in dealing with the chaotic and destructive actions of a child dealing with addiction. To get your complimentary copy click here.

Filed Under: Addiction, Giving Love, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction Tagged With: , , , , , ,

The story I am living and telling

July 21, 2025 by Leave a Comment

“Some chapters just have to close without closure. You can’t lose yourself by trying to fix what’s meant to stay broken.” ~ Trent Shelton

Between this quote and the picture, I may seem that today’s blog is officially Trent Shelton day. It just may be. When someone shares a series of concepts that precisely reflects a philosophy I embrace, why not passionately share it?

When I was planning today’s post, I wanted to share my perspective on the story we tell and the way it is reflected in how we live our lives. As the parent of a child battling an addiction, my story could be about his struggle and my journey with him in his struggle.

While the story of his addiction is very much a significant component of my life, it is not my life and it does not define how I live it. I would love for my son to find a path to his recovery. I pray for him to find happiness, peace, and joy in a life free from his addiction. My hope for him every single day is that he moves closer to a path of purpose and clarity in celebrating and sharing the gifts, talents, and skills he has blessed with. Because of my unconditional love for him, his story is a significant chapter in my life and my story.

That is where my story with my son ends and the complete story of my life begins. For I am a dad to two other children, a husband to a wife who cares for me more than I deserve, and an awesome circle of marvelous, gifted friends; plus, I have been blessed with a unique set of my own skills, talents, and abilities that others are looking for me to offer every single day.

My life cannot be put on hold by my son’s addiction. It is not appropriate, fair, or responsible. He is living, making, and defining his choices. They are his decisions. They are going to made with or without me. Many times I do like, enjoy, celebrate, or appreciate them. Often they hurt, confuse, frustrate, and pain me. Yet, this is the path he has taken and there is nothing I can do to alter it. My gifts of unconditional love, eternal hope, and the offer of my wisdom and encouragement are the most I can deliver. That is a great deal and it is going to have to be enough. Anything more, impacts my life in adversarial ways and creates a detour on my path to living, loving, and celebrating what I have been called to do.

Every day I wake up I am presented with an amazing opportunity to live, celebrate, and enjoy the gifts in your life. This is my story. The story will be told about my life is how I lived, grew, succeeded, loved, and celebrated my life despite the chaos and adversity around me. Those that come into my life have the opportunity to choose how their story is being lived and told. It is their story, not mine. I am very careful not to lose sight of that fact or my story ends up getting lost in someone else’s life story. It is better to celebrate and enjoy my life to the best of my ability. I cannot chose how someone’s story is told, lived, shared, celebrated, or completed. All I have is the life I have been given, the gifts I been blessed with, and the calling to share those gifts in love to others. That is my story and I am sticking to it!

 

 

Filed Under: Addiction, Giving Love, Lessons In Addiction, Live With Passion, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Slaying the Giant

July 14, 2025 by Leave a Comment

If only we could focus on the fact that addiction is what is behind this [epidemic], not heroin, and begin to treat the right aspects of it; to help addict’s overcome their disease instead of just their heroin use. If you help an addict recover from their disease, they don’t have to use any substance, including heroin. [The threat is] the ever steady and more noticeable…disease of addiction that has been around since humans realized that substances could offer relief to a discontentedness within themselves. [Addiction] is real…it is killing people… if we helped individuals…solve that need for relief. If we offered them a solution to their addiction. There would be no need for heroin. Until then, the Addiction Epidemic will continue on, and on, and on…As long as addiction keeps going untreated and unnoticed, there will be a new drug problem every day, every week, every month, and every year. ~ ~ Rhea Rosier, “Stop Calling it a Heroin Epidemic. It’s Actually an Addiction Epidemic“

I read the article where this quote was taken from several months ago. I essentially archived it until now. The key point in this quote and the article resonated with me; yet, I struggled with articulating its relevance without going on a long winded diatribe.

Yesterday, sitting in a worship service, my pastor reflected on the story of David and Goliath. In his talk, he put Goliath into a different context for me. The giant, Goliath, was not the real problem in the story. Goliath was actually a manifestation of the other issues that existed at the time. As my pastor put it, we all face giant problems every day - work issues, health troubles, financial struggles, relationship problems. They are not the real issue, they are a manifestation of a bigger question - are we truly focusing our lives in the correct direction?

Through my pastor’s message and the author’s writing, I am reminded that our giant problem is not heroin. Our society has an addiction problem. Far too many people are lost, hurt, disenfranchised, suffering, unloved, and uncared for. When they reach a point where they cannot find hope and opportunity in their lives - they escape, retreat, quit. Heroin is one of those paths. It is not the only path. It is the giant we see today; but, killing the giant will not make the real problem go away.

Our relentless, selfish pursuit of wealth, affluence, influence, and power are interrupted and corrupting the individual pursuit of self-actualization. We are defined by our job title, our income, our societal status, and by the success and accomplishment of our children - which is measured by the same scorecard. We have created a vicious, unhappy, unending perpetual cycle of fear, stress, and conformity. Very few people thrive in this environment. In fact, far too many are destroyed by it. This is the source of our addiction problem.

We can help fix it; but, it requires us to recognize the problem, seek a recovery from it, and help others find their recovery.

Every one of us has had a moment of absolute pain, doubt, isolation, fear, or hopelessness. Fortunately, many of us have found a way through the heartache and confusion. Whether you are willing to admit it our not, you did not do it alone. Each one of us who found our way out of the darkness and the despair had a friend who stepped into our mess and offered us their love, their hope and their encouragement. From there, we moved forward and changed, improved, or altered our lives.

The problem of addiction requires the same commitment. Yes, I would love to solve the heroin problem; but, I am more committed to solving our human problem. Every one of us comes across someone who is at their point of absolute failure every single day. Whether we see it or not, is a different discussion. We constantly comes across people who are ready to give up, quit, escape, and surrender.

You can help them. You know what it is like to be in that place and you also know what it is like to be given the gift of love. You want to slay the dragon - pay it forward, give the gift of love, hope, opportunity, and encouragement freely, selflessly, and unconditionally. You will change a life and begin the healing process for someone who needs it. Solving the problem takes a lot of little steps and your consistent effort creates a great deal of powerful momentum. Make that commitment to help those around you - that is how we will collectively slay the giant among us.

Filed Under: Addiction, Lessons In Addiction, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , ,

In Search of THE ANSWER

July 7, 2025 by 2 Comments

“My child is much more than a label or a diagnosis, she’s not a problem to be solved, but a child to be loved and guided toward a better life.” Ellie, a mother of a child battling her addiction

A sample of some of my son’s booking photos plus one of a celebratory walk this spring.

I am coming up on an anniversary of sorts. It has been around five years since I have been aware of my son’s battle with heroin. This anniversary marks my fifth year of continuing education in something I never planned on becoming a student of. This has been one incredible, significant independent study project.

Parents, society, educators, lawmakers, those with addictions and counselors are going through similar learning curves. Each group has their experiences to draw on and their opinions and perspectives to express. No one has THE ANSWER. There is not a single, clear cut, easy answer. Frustrating as it may be, since we have been educated to believe there is always one single, solitary, and correct answer, there are no one-size fits all answer.

We need to quit attempting to shoe horn every successful outcome for one person’s recovery as the road map to be followed by everyone else. When it comes to addiction there are far too many moving parts and pieces to simply state that THE ANSWER is out there. That is naive, arrogant, and foolhardy.

To get a sampling of the wide variances in perspective, ask yourself the following questions:

  1. What are the causes of addiction — mental health issues, environment, psychological influences, DNA?
  2. What are the courses for recovery - breakthrough prescription drugs, miracle cure treatment houses, multi-step programs, the God factor?
  3. What are the successful behaviors for parents - investment, tough love, enabling, prayer, surrender?

Is there a 100% cure formula in this limited list? If so, what is it and why isn’t everyone doing it?

The truth is, there isn’t. No one has THE ANSWER, quit chasing after one.

I recently read an article in the New York Times, “A Different Path to Fighting Addiction.” This article referenced an organization called the Center for Motivation and Change in New York. They have also released a book entitled, “Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Can Help People Change.” While this organization may not have the answer either, their philosophy stems from research based experience that treatment, recovery, and the addiction itself requires a customized approach, using understanding, love, applying constructive and positive communication, that actively involves all the impacted parties. I love it. I agree with it. And, I believe in it. Interestingly, it is the same approach I accidentally discovered and followed in my personal recovery and 100Pedals journey.

I have learned when it comes to my son and his recovery, there are no standard answers, responses, solutions or outcomes. Not everyone is going to agree or understand the choices that I am making in regard to his recovery. I am okay with that, they don’t need to. What I need to be clear about is my responsibilities, my role, and my boundaries. As long as my son knows what those are, we are good. After that, his choices, actions, decisions, and outcomes are his to make and take.

The key to living and celebrating my life is not defined by how I manage his addiction or its influences on me or whether I am doing “the right thing” or not. For that is a fearful, subjective, joy stealing approach. The key to me enjoying my life is to empower my son to live his life, to accept his choices as behaviors I cannot control or change, and celebrate doing, being, and having what I have control over - which is living my life and celebrating all that I can do with it! That is the only answer for me - it is my 100Pedals answer.

 

Filed Under: Addiction, Giving Love, Lessons In Addiction, Live With Passion, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Next Page»