Stop fighting a battle that’s not yours to fight!

August 4, 2025 by 6 Comments

When my son’s life first took a dramatic, addiction-related turn, many of the early casualties were my hopes and dreams I envisioned for him. From the time he was a boy, I envisioned the man he would become. His personality traits, unique skills, passions and interests reinforced my dreams. Then suddenly all that went out the window as addiction took over this wonderful person.

It is incredibly painful to watch your hopes and dreams appear to die. It is extremely difficult to release your hold on what you believed was possible for this child you raised. Not only are you witnessing a life interrupted, but you begin to fight for the life that could have been.

It can be even harder in this season to remember that God still has a plan – a GOOD plan - for your child’s life; and, that he has a good plan for yours as well. What you are witnessing is how God’s plans and your plans conflict. Regardless of how painful the current situation is and the impact of this unexpected, difficult path, you and your child are in God’s hands.

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11 NKJV)

When I was in the worst stages of my experiences with my son’s addiction, I felt completely powerless and helpless over his actions. I did everything I could to short-circuit or interrupt this freefall that had become his new path. Until I discovered this verse and reflected upon it. Did I believe it? What kind of future and hope did my son have now?

Instead of praying, “God please help me save my son,” I decided to change my prayer. I gave thanks to God for his plans: “God, I don’t know what you have in store for my son; but, I am grateful you have a plan for his life.” I gave it to God. Instead of wrestling for control over a life that I have no control over, I thankfully left it up to God to work his plan. Immediately, a calm and peace washed over me. I have prayed that prayer several times as the stresses of events washed over me. Each time, I found peace in the reality that this is God’s plan and I need to learn to trust in him.

“There are many plans in a man’s heart, nevertheless the Lord’s counsel—that will stand.” (Proverbs 19:21 NKJV)

God has a wonderful plan for our lives and for the lives of our children. Releasing your hold on how you thought life would turn out for your child and submitting to the unknown of God’s plan for both of you are massive steps of faith. And faith is not faith if you see the path and end result clearly. What we are living and experiencing in these moments of grief and loss and pain are but a small segment of a very large picture. God has the canvas and he is the painter. Paintings in process look messy, difficult, and often resemble little of the finished product. Instead of trying to wrestle control of the brush, we can practice waiting and watching in awe at the master’s work, and find joy and gratitude in his vision – his Master Painter’s eye – for our lives.

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Are you the parent of a child addicted to drugs or alcohol? The emotional rollercoaster of addiction is not God’s best for you or your family. Dave Cooke is an Addiction Coach and an internationally recognized speaker. Let him show you how to move your family back on track in a healthier direction by applying Christian principles. To contact Dave for private coaching, go to http://www.100pedals.com/coaching/ or email [email protected]. You’ll be amazed what a difference an hour with Dave can make in your life!

Are you on Dave’s email list? If you’d like to receive his monthly newsletter for the parents of addicted children and weekly blog post notifications, email [email protected]

 

Filed Under: Addiction, Christian living, featured, Giving Love, Lessons In Addiction, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Personal Insights, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Parents, Praise Your Way to Success!

July 28, 2025 by 2 Comments

“This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice in it and be glad.” (Psalm 118:24, NAB)

What’s bugging you today? I’ll bet it’s something that happened in the past. Or maybe the future isn’t turning out the way you planned. But the future isn’t here yet, and the past is gone. All you have is the present moment. Today. Why not rejoice and be grateful for it? After all, the Lord made it.

Of course, that doesn’t mean you can’t work toward a better future. You can. And I’ll tell you how to do that later in this blog post. But first, appreciate this day and how far you’ve come on your healing journey as the Christian parent of an addicted child.

What probably bugs you most about addiction is the lack of control. It doesn’t matter how much you want to control everything. You can’t. So let go. You’ll only succeed at what you can control.

“Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” (Matthew 6:31-34, NKJV)

This scripture tells you exactly what you control. You control how often you seek the righteousness of God every day. You control how often you thank God for the blessings he gives you every day.

After you’ve rejoiced over this day, sought the righteousness of God, and thanked him for his daily blessings, begin to praise him. Praise is a Christian’s secret weapon.

“And when he had consulted with the people, he appointed those who should sing to the Lord, and who should praise the beauty of holiness, as they went out before the army and were saying: ‘Praise the Lord, For His mercy endures forever.’ Now when they began to sing and to praise, the Lord set ambushes against the people of Ammon, Moab, and Mount Seir, who had come against Judah; and they were defeated.” (2 Chronicles 20:21-22, NKJV)

“But at midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the prisoners were listening to them. Suddenly there was a great earthquake, so that the foundations of the prison were shaken; and immediately all the doors were opened and everyone’s chains were loosed.” (Acts 16:25-26, NKJV)

What you can’t control is every aspect of your child’s addiction. But what you can control is mighty powerful. Rejoice, rejoice, rejoice! Then praise your way into tomorrow. When you do, you’ll make it an even better day than today.

Think about it. Now anything is possible. That’s Godly success. Don’t you love it?!

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Are you the parent of a child addicted to drugs or alcohol? The emotional rollercoaster of addiction is not God’s best for you or your family. Dave Cooke is an Addiction Coach and an internationally recognized speaker. Let him show you how to move your family back on track in a healthier direction by applying Christian principles. To contact Dave for private coaching, go to http://www.100pedals.com/coaching/ or email [email protected]. You’ll be amazed what a difference an hour with Dave can make in your life!

Are you on Dave’s email list? If you’d like to receive his monthly newsletter for the parents of addicted children and weekly blog post notifications, email [email protected]

Filed Under: Addiction, Christian living, featured, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

How Do I Make the Right Choice?

July 14, 2025 by 6 Comments

The parents of addicted children are often faced with difficult decisions. Nothing is ever easy. When you’re under this kind of stress, it’s hard to know if you’re making the best choice for you, your addicted child, and your family.

But it must be done. So how do you do it? How do you make the right choice again and again?

If you’re a Christian, the Bible tells you exactly how to do this. First, you need a plan. Next, every choice you make should support that plan.

To create a good plan, begin with trust. Trust God to have an awesome plan in mind for you and your family, just like he promises in the Bible:

“For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, plans for your welfare and not for woe, so as to give you a future of hope. When you call me, and come and pray to me, I will listen to you. When you look for me, you will find me. Yes, when you seek me with all your heart, I will let you find me, and I will change your lot.” (Jeremiah 29:11-14, NAB)

Your plan must be the best plan for your addicted child AND your entire family. Everyone is important in an addiction situation. No one should be left out. But don’t worry. If your plan abides by the Ten Commandments, it’s a good plan for your Christian family.

Now that you have a plan, how do you make the right choices to support that plan? Once again, the Bible offers sound advice:

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Keep on doing what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me. Then the God of peace will be with you.” (Philippians 4:8-9, NAB)

Making the best choice in any addiction situation isn’t as difficult as it might seem. Trust God to help you create a plan in line with his commandments. Make sure every decision not only supports that plan but also follows the wise advice in Philippians.

When you do, you’ll make good choices. And you’ll walk in the peace of God. Wow. It doesn’t get any better than that, does it?

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Are you the parent of a child addicted to drugs or alcohol? The emotional roller coaster of addiction is not God’s best for you or your family. Dave Cooke is an Addiction Coach and an internationally recognized speaker. Let him show you how to move your family back on track in a healthier direction by applying Christian principles. To contact Dave for private coaching, go to http://www.100pedals.com/coaching/ or email [email protected]. You’ll be amazed what a difference an hour with Dave can make in your life!

Are you on Dave’s email list? If you’d like to receive his monthly newsletter for the parents of addicted children and weekly blog post notifications, email [email protected]

Filed Under: Addiction, Christian living, featured, Lessons In Addiction, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,

Where Are the Dads?

May 26, 2025 by 4 Comments

That’s the million dollar question, isn’t it? Every time I give a presentation, whether I’m speaking about addiction at churches, parent’s groups, business organizations, or neighborhood associations, the audience is mostly filled with moms. They’re the ones gathering information, committed to helping their addicted child.

It takes two to successfully tackle a family crisis like addiction. The mom and the dad must work together. That’s a given. Yet where are most of the dads in this equation?

You know where they are. They’re MIA. They’re hiding out at work, at the gym, at the golf course, at the bar. Ticked off and frustrated, dads tend to throw up their hands and walk away, leaving moms to deal with the situation alone.

Thank God for moms, right? They’re the persistent, tenacious ones. They don’t give up on their children. Dads shouldn’t either. But they do.

The problem with dads is their need to “fix” problems. It’s a guy thing. And if the addiction situation can’t be easily fixed in the usual way (and it can’t), dads label the addicted child “lazy” or “irresponsible” or both. Soon the addicted child becomes “your son” or “your daughter” in conversations with the mom.

Here’s my message to dads: GET OVER IT. Your family needs you. A house divided falls, and addiction is a disrupter. There’s no quick fix for it. None. Nada.

Don’t allow addiction to drive a wedge between you and your wife. She needs a partner she can count on. Be that partner. Women work hard inside and outside the home every day. Solving the substance abuse problem in your family isn’t a responsibility she should have to bear alone.

Dad, lock your ego in a drawer and throw away the key. Help your wife gather information. Become educated about every aspect of addiction. There’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to substance abuse. Keep trying healthy solutions until you can restore balance and peace in your home.

Your wife needs a strong husband, not an absent husband. Your addicted child needs a dad who can take the lead, not one who retreats. This isn’t the time to abandon your family, no matter how frustrated you might be.

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Is your child addicted to drugs or alcohol? Are you trapped on the emotional rollercoaster of addiction? Dave Cooke can help. He’s an Addiction Coach and an internationally recognized speaker. Let him show you how to create an action plan that will move you, your family, and your addicted child back on track in a healthier direction. Contact Dave today for private coaching or book him to speak at your church, parent’s group, business organization, or neighborhood association. Go to http://www.100pedals.com/coaching/ for more information or email [email protected].

Are you on Dave’s email list? If you’d like to receive his monthly newsletter for the parents of addicted children and weekly blog post notifications, email [email protected]

Filed Under: featured, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , ,