A support group can be very helpful in the beginning. You’ve just discovered your beloved child is addicted to drugs or alcohol. It’s quite a shock. In a support group, you’ll find other parents experiencing the same overwhelming emotions. You’re not alone, and it’s an immense relief.
Support groups are the place where you’ll find good information and resources. Those first few months are crucial for learning everything you can about addiction. You’ll also be exposed to lots of parental advice. Basically, what has and hasn’t worked for each member.
And that’s where you need to be careful. Not all advice will be appropriate for your situation.
For example, some in support groups insist the only way to force addicted children into recovery is to kick them out of the house. That’s not true. There are no one-size-fits-all solutions.
Advice like that can be heartbreaking for parents new to the addiction jungle. At this point, you’re just trying to find solid ground and regain your footing. All the parenting rules have changed overnight. It’s a confusing and highly emotional time for most parents.
A good coach recognizes this. And that’s the difference between a support group and a coach. Like I said, no two addiction situations are the same. Yes, it’s important to set firm boundaries and house rules. Yes, it’s important for your addicted child to be aware of these boundaries and the consequences of breaking your rules.
But that doesn’t mean your only option is to kick your child out. Far from it. Good coaches teach parents to think rationally in chaotic situations. We encourage them to develop effective communication skills and avoid emotional pitfalls.
It’s never good to overwhelm a traumatized parent. The best approach is to teach parents specific skills that inspire confidence and healing. They need proven strategies to help them prepare for disaster before it strikes again. A good coach guides parents through the turbulence of addiction, as they define their goals.
No matter where you are on your path, there’s hope. Lots of it! Just make sure the advice you follow is appropriate for you, your family, and your particular addiction situation.
********
Is your child addicted to drugs or alcohol? Are you trapped on the emotional rollercoaster of addiction? Dave Cooke can help. He’s an Addiction Coach and an internationally recognized speaker. Let him show you how to create an action plan that will move you, your family, and your addicted child back on track in a healthier direction. To contact Dave for private coaching, go to http://www.100pedals.com/coaching/ or email [email protected].
Are you on Dave’s email list? If you’d like to receive his monthly newsletter for the parents of addicted children and weekly blog post notifications, email [email protected]
Great article here Dave. Of course, being a coach I see the value of coaching. That being said support groups can be helpful, especially when people want to engage with people who have had the same issues with their kids. Sometime the suggestions from groups can be generic and can actually cause more harm than good. Every situation is different and there is no one right answer. Thanks!
Thank you, Cathy for your supportive and encouraging comments. I agree with you. Support groups can be a safe place for parents to engage, however it doesn’t offer the same personalized, customized support that many times is so often needed. Thank you for the various, wonderful channels you use to coach and support parents. Continued blessings and peace!
While one size may not fit all before a parent gets to the point of trying the tough love they have in most cases tried just about every other method available. I have never been to a support group that had only one way. They have all recommended many different ways. For myself personally though, only one way worked a miracle in our life and that was tough love. I never stopped loving my child, but my child as I knew him was no longer in there. Something had to give and I had tried EVERYTHING else. It was the one thing I hadn’t tried and I was not going to love my child to death. I don’t believe that a parent needs to spend thousands of dollars on treatment and recovery coaches. There is lots of excellent help for parents without the extra payments to recovery coaches to put them further in debt If you have it great but for parents who don’t this is another thing that gives them hope when the bottom line is its up to the addict and the only thing we can do is try to raise their bottom. I was not willing to help my child die but giving him the funds to sustain his habit nor was I going to wait for something to happen and wish I had tried tough love. I tried it, it worked and my son has 18 months in solid recovery……with no recovery coach. His recovery coach is his sponsor in AA which is a no cost solution to bankrupt parents. Since it doesn’t work until the addict is ready then they may as well work with someone they want to work with. My experience only—-everyone’s story is different. If I had megabucks maybe I would have tried it too. I was a single mom with 4 boys and no extra money.
Linda, thank you for your thoughts and comments. I am so happy to hear that you and your son found the resources you both needed for your respective recoveries. I agree with you completely about resources. The most important part of any recovery journey is reaching out and finding the resources that will move both the parents and their child through the process. While you did not necessarily hire and expensive coach, you and your son found in someone the mentoring, teaching, and coaching needed to get through this. This is a critical, essential step. The online community is not the place to receive this type of coaching nor does an expensive program assure success. The key is finding what resonates with you and your child and doing the work to get through it. Continued blessings and peace to your and your son!